Author Topic: Kids say the darnedest things...  (Read 39749 times)

Offline Bryanpoprobson

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Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
« Reply #105 on: May 21, 2020, 05:51:22 PM »
My granddaughter Eva does make me laugh, but tonight’s effort crossed the line. She thought it would be funny to ask mummy for a cuddle and sneakily rub slime in her hair. Mummy was not impressed.

« Last Edit: May 21, 2020, 05:54:00 PM by Bryanpoprobson »
"Wise men speak because they have something to say!" "Fools speak, because they have to say something!" (Plato)

Offline Peter B

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Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
« Reply #106 on: May 28, 2020, 09:25:20 PM »
Ah, lamingtons, a very enjoyable treat for dessert (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lamington) which we know the kids will eat.

Anyway, we picked up a pack of 18 lamington fingers to provide dessert for a couple of days. The usual deal had been one lamington finger for each of the kids...

7YOD: Why do you only give us one lamington finger each for dessert?

(I go to the kitchen and find there are seven fingers left. I serve two to each of the kids and save the last for myself.)

7YOD: Why did you give us two lamington fingers for dessert?

Me: *sigh*

Offline Peter B

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Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
« Reply #107 on: June 01, 2020, 05:57:27 AM »
Movie time on Sunday afternoon

I put a movie into the DVD player.

12YOS walks in.

12YOS: What's the movie?

9YOS walks in.

Me: "The Three Musketeers", based on a novel by Alexandre Dumas.

9YOS: What's the movie?

7YOD walks in.


Me (curtly): "The Three Musketeers", based on a novel by Alexandre Dumas.

7YOD: What's the movie?

Me (exasperated): "The Three Musketeers", based on a novel by Alexandre Dumas! Doesn't anyone listen in this house?

Offline gillianren

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Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
« Reply #108 on: June 01, 2020, 11:18:07 AM »
Yesterday, Graham put in Porco Rosso for Irene.  When I suggested she go watch it, she told me Graham had not put in Porco Rosso.  He put in Flying Pig.  (For those unaware, Porco Rosso is a charming Miyazaki film about a World War I pilot who is cursed and turned into a pig.  In the American dub, he's voiced by Michael Keaton.)
"This sounds like a job for Bipolar Bear . . . but I just can't seem to get out of bed!"

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Offline Peter B

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Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
« Reply #109 on: June 27, 2020, 02:54:41 AM »
Mummy is walking 10YOS and 7YOD to school.

Mummy notices 10YOS is trying to read a (Harry Potter) book as he walks.

Mummy: Please stop reading or you'll go splat.

10YOS: I'll be fine.

Another parent and child join the footpath a little front.

Mummy
: Please stop reading or you'll go splat, and I'll say I told you so.

10YOS: I'll be fine!

Parent in front sniggers.

They approach school and other parents approach with their kids.

10YOS starts to walk up the rough incline onto the school's sports ground, still reading. He walks into a tree but manages to stay on his feet. He looks around in case Mummy saw.

Mummy
: I did warn you I'd say 'I told you so.'

Other parents snigger.

Offline gillianren

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Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
« Reply #110 on: July 01, 2020, 11:34:38 AM »
"I love you and Dad and even Simon!"
"This sounds like a job for Bipolar Bear . . . but I just can't seem to get out of bed!"

"Conspiracy theories are an irresistible labour-saving device in the face of complexity."  --Henry Louis Gates

Offline Peter B

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Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
« Reply #111 on: July 09, 2020, 11:54:51 PM »
7YOD opens fridge door to stare at contents. After a lengthy stare...

Mummy
: Shut the door, it's a waste of electricity!

7YOD (reluctantly shutting fridge door): But I'm looking to see what leftovers I can have for lunch!

Mummy: There's sausage risotto, quiche, chicken nuggets...

7YOD: Is there tuna bake? I really liked the tuna bake.

Mummy: Yes, there's tuna bake.

7YOD: Yum!

Mummy: So what do you want for lunch?

7YOD: Quiche.

Offline gillianren

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Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
« Reply #112 on: July 10, 2020, 10:53:34 AM »
Simon's birthday is Sunday, and I've arranged to have a lot of my friends send him birthday cards.  Also, I'm not going out to buy things in person and am having them shipped.  So we've been having a lot of packages arrive.  Irene has apparently decided that whoever brings in the package in is the person the package belongs to.
"This sounds like a job for Bipolar Bear . . . but I just can't seem to get out of bed!"

"Conspiracy theories are an irresistible labour-saving device in the face of complexity."  --Henry Louis Gates

Offline Peter B

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Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
« Reply #113 on: July 12, 2020, 12:50:12 AM »
Mummy is wearing a particularly fluffy sweatshirt. She sits down, and 7YOD climbs onto her for a cuddle.

7YOD
: Ooh, you're so beautifully cuddly. How do people make hammers?

Offline gillianren

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Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
« Reply #114 on: July 12, 2020, 11:43:35 AM »
Simon's godmother and her mom, the kids' adopted grandmother, stopped by yesterday to do a social distancing birthday drop.  I came outside first with Irene, who said, "I supposed to say hi."
"This sounds like a job for Bipolar Bear . . . but I just can't seem to get out of bed!"

"Conspiracy theories are an irresistible labour-saving device in the face of complexity."  --Henry Louis Gates

Offline Peter B

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Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
« Reply #115 on: July 18, 2020, 10:48:06 PM »
On a cold winter's day, 10YOS goes out on a playdate with a classmate. Classmate is wearing shorts and a T-shirt. 7YOD is standing at the front window watching them leave.

7YOD
: I can't believe he's wearing short sleeves on a day like this.

Me: What are you talking about? You're wearing a T-shirt.

Offline Peter B

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Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
« Reply #116 on: July 19, 2020, 08:05:23 AM »
12YOS walks into the kitchen and stares thoughtfully into the fridge.

12YOS
: Mum, there are four chicken envelopes left. Can I have two for lunch?

Mum: Yes, that's fine.

Me (walking into the kitchen behind 12YOS): Hang on, you've just eaten two. You're not having four chicken envelopes for lunch.

Offline Bryanpoprobson

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Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
« Reply #117 on: August 17, 2020, 05:50:33 PM »
So Eva age 5 at it again. Has finally got a check up for her eyes as clinics begin to open again (her bad eye is now two points down) . The doctor is waving his hands and said, “Who’s waving, me or mummy?“
Eva, “Duh, you, obviously?”
Doctor, “There are three dogs on the screen in front of you, how many monkeys are there!”
Eva, “None, I left my brothers at home!”

Then on Sunday had the family over and my sons girlfriend offers to clear up after dinner. She says, “Actually it gives me a five minute break from looking after my baby! After clearing up Eva says, “Well you’ve had your five minutes, better get back to your baby!”

The little minx is just so cheeky, but it’s all instant.
"Wise men speak because they have something to say!" "Fools speak, because they have to say something!" (Plato)

Offline Peter B

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Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
« Reply #118 on: August 18, 2020, 03:45:51 AM »
There's going to be an election in the ACT in a couple of months, so candidates are just starting to distribute material.

I picked a pamphlet out of the letter box for one candidate and left it on a table where 10YOS saw it.

10YOS: Wow, he's got the same name as a kid in my year.

Me: Yes, this guy is your classmate's father.

10YOS: I had no idea these people had children just like us.

Offline Peter B

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Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
« Reply #119 on: August 26, 2020, 06:44:57 AM »
The kids are convinced they don't like mushrooms. I quite like them, so a tin of mushroom soup goes down well with me. I've tried to bring the kids along with the soup thing, but because it was mushroom soup they weren't going to try it.

Anyway, the Campbell's brand soup tin has a recipe on the side for making beef stroganoff, with the tinned soup being one of the ingredients. I cooked it up one evening, telling the kids only what the dish was called, and not what it contained.

As I suspected, they all enjoyed it and all wanted seconds.

Me: So you want some more?

10YOS: Yes! And can you make sure I get some of the curved meat?

Me: You're sure you want some of the curved meat?

10YOS: Yes, the meat that you cut into curves.

Me: Oh, you mean the mushrooms.

All three of them: !!

Me: So does that mean you'll try mushroom soup now?

All three of them: No!