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Off Topic => General Discussion => Topic started by: Peter B on May 14, 2018, 10:07:31 AM

Title: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on May 14, 2018, 10:07:31 AM
I previously added a few examples of zingers from one of my kids a few years ago to a thread on UM. But I thought I'd start a thread here for people to share some examples of spectacular statements from their kids (or other kids for that matter). Let me provide some examples:

5-year-old daughter goes to circus during school holidays…

Mummy: So did you see any clowns?

5YOD: No, I didn’t see any clowns. But I did see some people who were dressed up as clowns.

= = = =

After the first day back at school…

Mummy: So did you tell everyone about going to the circus?

5YOD: No, I didn’t tell everyone. I just told most people.

= = = =

After her uncle had babysat her one evening…

Mummy: Did you tell your uncle about how you’re starting ballet lessons?

5YOD: Yes, I did.

Mummy: Was he excited?

5YOD (matter-of-factly): No. He was interested, but he wasn’t excited.

= = = =

All the kids gathered by the door to the garage...

5YOD: Are we walking to school or driving?

Mummy: We're walking.

7YOS: So, are we walking or driving?

Mummy: [sound of suppressed thunderstorm]
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on May 14, 2018, 12:30:05 PM
Yesterday, a cousin sent me scans of some old family pictures.  I was showing them to Simon.  The only person still alive in these pictures is my Aunt Susie.

"Will I meet her?"

"I hope so."

"Will I meet her before she dies?"
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Jason Thompson on May 14, 2018, 12:44:31 PM
A couple from my nephews:

Some years ago we met up with my family for a birthday meal. My sister, her partner and my nephew, who was about 6 at the time arrived. As we all said hello, my nephew said to me: "This is Laura and she's my mummy." Explaining to him that I had known her literally her entire life was... interesting.

Last year during a family gathering someone took a picture of me while I was playing with my younger nephew (Also 6 at the time, I believe) and his toys. Seeing the picture was rather unflattering my response was: "Oh good grief, how many chins do I have?!" A little voice behind me, very matter-of-factly, said: "Five..."

As entertaining as those were, my favourite was recounted to me from a friend. Her daughter was 4, and they were having Christmas dinner with my friend's parents when the following exchange happened:

Girl: Mummy? It's rude to say 'f***ing', isn't it?

Friend: (surprised) Yes it is, very rude!

Girl: Oh. (Considers for a moment) Why do you say it so often then?

(Parents are stifling their laughter as friend goes very red)

Friend: I only say it when I'm very angry or upset.

Girl: Oh. (Considers again) Sometimes you say 'bollocks' too...

(Parents fall about laughing while friend buries her head in her hands)

Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Northern Lurker on May 14, 2018, 02:31:15 PM
When my daughter was two-three years old, we had a game: we would touch her nose and she would say "pöps". When she got tired of the game, she started rubbing her nose and say "No(more) pöps!" Once we were returning to home and she was quite tired. While she was sitting in her stroller waiting for the elevator, she started touching her own nose, saying the mandatory "pöps" until she got frustrated and angrily said "NO MORE PÖPS!!!" to herself. I and my spouse almost died laughing.

Lurky

edit. to those who are interested how to pronounce ö, it's similar to English sound "i" in the word "bird"
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: DD Brock on May 14, 2018, 10:53:17 PM
Helping my then 4 year old godson get ready for bed, he keeps rubbing his nose. I ask " Are you OK, Buddy?" He says "yeah, but my nose hurts."
"What's wrong with it?"
"I put a piece of chicken in it."
 ??? Do what now?  :o :o
Long as I live, I'll never forget that one.

Same kid, about three years later. He had just gotten out of the bath and is watching TV, sitting on his towel, naked as a jaybird.
 I say "Buddy, cover that up, no one wants to see that..."
Without missing a beat, he exclaims "OH, NO! You've seen the source of my power!!" and dramatically flops his towel like a super hero cape.

Then there was the time he told his kindergarten teacher that his Uncle (me) sometimes says "want in one hand a sh*t in the other" when he wants an expensive toy.
Thanks for throwing Uncle under the bus, buddy, lol...
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: smartcooky on May 14, 2018, 11:21:36 PM
I have had some doozies during my short dalliance in the teaching profession and I am sure I have  a few written down (somewhere).

One that comes to mind is this one.

A few years ago, there was well known New Zealander called Bob Jones. He was an entrepreneur who was in the news quite frequently. Now I gave my class of 10 year-olds an assignment to write a short report on a famous or well known New Zealander, and they were allowed to choose which one they want to write about.

So this young lad chooses Bob Jones. Actually he did quite a good job, but part way through his essay he wrote the following sentence (which I shall never, ever forget)

"Bob Jones owns lots of different companies. He is a important man who has a finger in every tart in town"

When I read it out in the staff room, people started falling about and laughing all over the place.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Allan F on May 17, 2018, 05:20:14 PM
A friend of mine bought an old, rundown, delapidated farmhouse way outside town. His brother and I helped make some necessary repairs. His 4-year old son was running around helping out and having fun.

Sometime during the work, he came over to talk to us, and I said:

"One day, all this will belong to you"

The kid: "Oh-oh".
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on May 17, 2018, 10:31:19 PM
Sorting out left and right with 7YOS, a.k.a. Mr Quibble.

7YOS [sitting at the table eating breakfast, holding up a hand]: Is this my right hand?

Me: Yes.

7YOS [holding up other hand]: Is this my left hand?

Me [a little exasperated]: Yes! You should know which is your right hand because you’re right-handed and you know which hand you hold a pen in when you’re writing.

7YOS: But I’m not holding a pen.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on May 17, 2018, 10:40:07 PM
Regarding Mr Quibble...

The kids like Mr Men stuff. They have individual Mr Men mugs which a friend bought them, and they enjoy watching a couple of Mr Men DVDs. They also like the fact that I have a Mr Happy hoodie which I wear a bit (even to work, where I was once asked by someone if the label was actual or aspirational - I said it depended on how the kids were behaving).

However, 7YOS is demonstrating there may be room for a new character in the Mr Men range - Mr Quibble. He shows considerable skill at arguing at great length matters peripheral to the main topic of discussion, to the extent that I think he has good prospects for being a lawyer. One exchange I can remember went something like this:

7YOS [chattering extensively at a time I wanted him quiet]

Me: Will you be quiet, please? You're such a chatterbox.

7YOS [with amused outrage]: A chatterbox? How can I be a chatterbox? I'm not a box.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Northern Lurker on May 18, 2018, 05:46:32 AM
Sorting out left and right with 7YOS, a.k.a. Mr Quibble.

When my daughter, now 15, mixes left and right, I'll "help" her by reminding that "on your right hand, your thumb is on the left side"   :P

edit: added "side"
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on May 18, 2018, 06:01:08 AM
Sorting out left and right with 7YOS, a.k.a. Mr Quibble.

When my daughter, now 15, mixes left and right, I'll "help" her by reminding that "on your right hand, your thumb is on the left side"   :P

edit: added "side"

Heh, I know that adults aren't immune to mixing up sides:

I play competition squash - the lowest grade in the city, so it's not particularly serious. We score and referee our own games, and usually at least once a week someone walks to the wrong box to serve a point, attracting the call, "The other left box!"
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on May 18, 2018, 11:43:11 AM
I had a friend I used to ride to SCA events with, which made me the navigator.  When I had to tell her to take a left or right turn, this was always accompanied by a large, sweeping gesture of the correct hand.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on June 13, 2018, 05:58:25 PM
In theory I should be thrilled that they all enjoy reading...

5YOD (to 8YOS): Can I read your book while I make up my mind what I'm having next for breakfast? I won't read past the bookmark.

8YOS: Yes, you can read it. Just don't touch the bookmark.

10YOS (looking up from his book): Can you read that book? It's not yours.

Me (exasperated): Yes, she's allowed to read the book - she just asked.

8YOS (just noticing that 10YOS was talking to him): What book?

Me (to 8YOS, still exasperated): The book your sister was just asking you about. (To 5YOD): So have you made up your mind what you're having next for breakfast?

5YOD (whiny, and holding book possessively): No! I haven't made up my mind yet!
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on June 13, 2018, 10:30:41 PM
Walking to school as the bell rings...

5YOD (dawdling): Kylo, silo, whilo, rylo...

Me: Come on, the bell's rung. You'll be late.

5YOD: Yes, but they rhyme!
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on June 14, 2018, 01:31:49 PM
[on having had it explained to him that, yes, eggs come in white or brown and that it's theoretically possible I've had brown eggs before]  "That's awesome!"
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Ranb on June 14, 2018, 03:14:37 PM
I gave my then 5 year old granddaughter a super soaker (squirt gun), but one that was inferior to my own.  First chance she got she squirted me with it saying, " Got you!"  This was repeated several times.

Ranb
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on June 15, 2018, 01:01:31 PM
Yesterday was Simon's end-of-the-year popsicle party at school.  The mom of one of his friends was late, and his friend was very upset about this.  I recorded a song they performed for the parents, and you can hear her loud, angry voice still.  Even after her mom had gotten there.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on June 17, 2018, 12:39:52 PM
Yesterday, we were trying to teach Irene to sign "more" in ASL, since she's still nonverbal.  We were out for lunch together, the kids and I, and Simon and I were giving her fries when she made the sign.  So she stretched out her hand in her "gimme" sign.  "Say more, Irene!" said Simon, accompanied by the right sign.  She shook her head.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on June 20, 2018, 11:45:53 PM
Simon, ruefully: "There's too much warm in here."
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Kiwi on June 21, 2018, 09:03:57 AM
Three-year-old visitor climbed onto my lap so I could help cover her eyes while she, her two older sisters and I watched the first scary part in “Jurassic Park” where the T-Rex attacks the two children in the car. After things had calmed down and she could watch again, she started to play with my belt buckle, and I guessed it was because the buckle was a big, shiny chrome one. She continued for quite some time and was obviously thinking something, so I asked, "What are you doing?"

With a big grin, she answered, "I dunna take dim an' trow dim away!"

"What?!! What are you going to throw away?"

"'Or pants!"

With a big laugh, I said, "Oooh! That would be awful. I'd have nothing on!"

Quick as a flash she jabbed a finger into my shirt and chest and answered, "Oo'd av dat on!"

"But I'd have nothing on the bottom! What would your mum say if I told her you'd thrown away my pants?"

"I'd tell on oo!"

Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Bryanpoprobson on June 23, 2018, 07:41:33 PM
A real Awwwwww moment, I have a static caravan by the coast my Grandchildren were there along with my wife's cousins little boy (Kayden aged 5). We were taking the children to the club house and they had all got showered and dressed. Summer, (my 5 year old Granddaughter) came out of her bedroom and Kayden said, "Why Summer, you look absolutely fantastic in that outfit!"
To which Summer replied, "Why, thank you Kayden, that's very nice of you to say!"

DO kids grow up too quickly these days?  :) :)
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on June 23, 2018, 08:56:04 PM
"Please can I have five more cookies of ten deliciousness?"
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on June 23, 2018, 09:37:58 PM
A real Awwwwww moment, I have a static caravan by the coast my Grandchildren were there along with my wife's cousins little boy (Kayden aged 5). We were taking the children to the club house and they had all got showered and dressed. Summer, (my 5 year old Granddaughter) came out of her bedroom and Kayden said, "Why Summer, you look absolutely fantastic in that outfit!"
To which Summer replied, "Why, thank you Kayden, that's very nice of you to say!"

DO kids grow up too quickly these days?  :) :)

Maybe, but sounding grown up like this charms the socks off other adults. And remember, our grandparents were probably expected to speak to each other like that...

8YOS's girlfriend in his class has the same name as 5YOD, which occasionally leads to confusion over which girl he's talking about. Last Friday was the Year 2 Zoo, in which each child chose an animal, made a model of it, drew a picture of it, and wrote a few lines about it. These were placed around the classrooms while parents and other students came to visit. Each child stood by their exhibit to talk about their animal and answer questions.

8YOS explained at dinner time how 5YOD had hung around him most of the time she'd been visiting the "Zoo", but 10YOS was unsure whether his brother was talking about their little sister or his girlfriend.

8YOS: Oh, I was talking about 5YOD. It wouldn't have been appropriate for <girlfriend> to hang around with me.

(He meant, after all, that she had her own exhibit to present. But the way he said it sounded slightly moralising.)
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on June 23, 2018, 09:41:29 PM
Discussing meteorology around the dinner table...

5YOD: What's a hurricane?

10YOS: It's similar to a tornado, but very different.

(Full points for conciseness, given his otherwise lengthy, rambling answers, but still...)
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on July 13, 2018, 12:44:18 PM
Last night, Simon informed me that the woods (well, "woods") near our apartment are called Simon's Woods.  This, he told me, is because they are on Simon's World.  It is called that because he's the one who thought to name it.  I asked what it was called before he was born, and he said it didn't have a name.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on July 17, 2018, 02:05:08 PM
Simon, yesterday: "I'm not scared of anything, because I'm five now."

Also Simon, also yesterday: "I can't get down that way, because I'm scared."

Also he is apparently scared of evil clowns.  Me, to friend: "Stephen King has a lot to answer for."
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: raven on July 17, 2018, 11:25:40 PM
This was a  little kid at a free family cooking class I help teach who was acting up and, honestly, did not realize the full impact of his words, just that they had an impact. But he was acting up, and I told him I would inform his mother of his actions, after he started calling out "You're a <female canine>, you're a <female canine/>!" And when I did get his mother, he said, referring to me, "She's a <female canine/>!" repeatedly.
As a woman in transition (https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Transgender?from=Main.Transsexual), it certainly resulted in some mixed feelings!
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on July 18, 2018, 04:50:21 AM
(apologies in advance for dotted out rude word)

5YOD: [chattering endlessly to Mummy]

Mummy (not paying much attention): Yes dear, that's fabulous.

5YOD (horrified): You said the f-word.

Mummy (now paying attention): No, that's not the f-word.

5YOD (quietly): Is it f...?

Mummy: Yes! Now please don't use that word again.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on July 18, 2018, 04:52:20 AM
5YOD: What's for dessert?

Mummy (mysteriously): That depends.

5YOD (walking away, thoughtfully): I wonder what Depends is? (To brothers) Boys, we're having Depends for dessert!
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Northern Lurker on July 18, 2018, 10:25:41 PM
5YOD: What's for dessert?

Mummy (mysteriously): That depends.

5YOD (walking away, thoughtfully): I wonder what Depends is? (To brothers) Boys, we're having Depends for dessert!

:D :D :D Hope they were unsoiled :D :D :D
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on July 29, 2018, 10:38:45 AM
5YOD: What's for dessert?

Mummy (mysteriously): That depends.

5YOD (walking away, thoughtfully): I wonder what Depends is? (To brothers) Boys, we're having Depends for dessert!

:D :D :D Hope they were unsoiled :D :D :D

:-o ;-)
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on July 29, 2018, 10:39:19 AM
I take the kids to the local sports ground, where there's a football game in progress. They notice that the jerseys of one team feature a lion.

5YOD: Oooh, I love lions! They're my second favourite animal.

8YOS: What's your favourite animal?

5YOD: Butterflies.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on July 29, 2018, 10:46:29 AM
Keep in mind that Down Under we've just started the third of four terms for the school year, so 5YOD is now half way through her first year of school, and Knows How Things Work.

I'm dropping 5YOD and 8YOS at school. 8YOS has gone off to sort himself out, while I help 5YOD. She hands me her water bottle which I refill at the dispenser while she unloads the rest of the things from her bag. We then walk to her classroom together. (Outside the classroom there are labelled baskets for the kids to place their various food items in - one for lunch, one for fruit break, one for drink bottles.) I hang the water bottle from one finger so she can easily grab it from me.

5YOD: Oh no, Daddy. You know where the water bottle goes - in the basket with the picture of the water bottle on it.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on August 03, 2018, 01:45:22 AM
5YOD: Do you have to go to university to be a mother?

Mummy (laughing): No.

5YOD: So why did you go to university?
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on August 03, 2018, 10:51:36 AM
As a stay-at-home, I really feel that one.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on August 18, 2018, 10:46:34 PM
10YOS to 8YOS: Do you know what Annikin Skywalker was before he was Darth Vader?

5YOD: A baby?
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on August 20, 2018, 11:21:13 AM
I saw the Punch and Judy show at faire yesterday, and the enthusiasm with which those kids threw themselves into the spirit of the thing was great.  A kid behind me also kept up a bit of a running commentary about what Mr. Punch was saying.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on September 09, 2018, 03:41:35 AM
8YOS in the shower, needing some help from Mummy with adjusting the water temperature...

8YOS: Make it colder!

Mummy adjust accordingly.

8YOS: Colder!

Mummy adjusts accordingly.

8YOS: Colder!

Mummy: I can't make it any colder. The hot tap's turned off.

8YOS, sheepishly: Oh, sorry, I meant make it hotter.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Bryanpoprobson on September 09, 2018, 12:52:26 PM
My 3yo granddaughter Eva has recently been diagnosed with eye problems, her right eye is 6.5 and she is almost blind in that eye and her left eye is 4.5. I was walking down to the beach the day after her diagnosis with her and two of my other grandchildren. I said, “can you see that big boat out to sea?”
To which Eva replied, “There’s no boat Grandad, you are trying to trick me!”
I welled up. But on a good note 3 months down the line with corrective lenses, her eyesight is improving, she may have to wear a patch for a couple of months to make her right eye do more work.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: twik on September 10, 2018, 11:21:16 AM
One of my mother's friends told me how getting glasses as a child changed her world - instead of a smooth green carpet, grass has points! Instead of being round blobs, trees had leaves! It was a complete transformation of the world she knew.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on September 11, 2018, 11:03:47 AM
Irene is sort of starting to talk.  (I still need to call today to see if she qualifies for our district's before-three speech therapy program, though.)  Yesterday, she was saying, "Coogee!"  "Cookie?"  [nods]  "You think you should have a cookie?"  [nods]  "Can you say 'Mommy'?"  [for background, she says "Dada" and even "Daddy" a lot, but "Mama" only sparingly; Simon was the same way]  "Coogee!"
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on October 01, 2018, 12:28:55 AM
5YOD: Mummy, do you remember when we were in Sydney last year we watched that movie?

Mummy: Which movie?

5YOD: The one with the cats.

Mummy: Was this an animation or did it look real?

5YOD: It didn't look real.

Mummy: Can you tell me a bit more about it?

5YOD: Well, there was this lady and she had a cat and some kittens.

Mummy: Oh, you mean "The Aristocats"?

5YOD: Yes, that's the one!

Mummy: Well, what about it?

5YOD: Well, the lady had this way of dangling her slippers from her feet when she was sitting down, and I'm going to do the same thing with my new slippers that we just bought.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on October 08, 2018, 08:54:56 AM
5YOD: I need somethink.

8YOS: SomeTHINK?

5YOD: Yes...You know, like something to think about...
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on October 31, 2018, 06:59:46 AM
Our kids are asked to take a piece of fruit to school each day for the 10am Fruit Break - usually a banana because you can write the kid's name on it.

However, yesterday 8YOS came home with his banana, which he proceeded to eat for afternoon tea. I was curious...

Me: So why didn't you eat your banana during Fruit Break? Did you forget?

8YOS (scornfully): Of course I didn't forget. It was the teachers who forgot.

Me: So why didn't you remind the teachers?

8YOS (pausing for a moment): Because I forgot.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on October 31, 2018, 07:04:52 AM
In May each year local high schools have their open nights. My wife and 10YOS went to a few to help determine which school would be best for him in Year 7. Apparently 10YOS had his own criteria for deciding which one was best for him...

A couple of days ago I went to school to pick the kids up from After School Care. 8YOS was reading an Asterix comic when I arrived. 10YOS noticed this, and cheerfully informed everyone, "At the high school Mum and Dad are thinking would be best for me, I found they have Asterix comics in their library."
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Ranb on October 31, 2018, 05:55:58 PM
My daughter is bringing her little girl to her 1st day of kindergarten.

Quote
Mom; You have fun, okay?
Daughter; Ignores her mom.
Mom; Behave?
Daughter; Ignores her mom.
Mom; Don't beat up nobody, don't be rude.
Daughter; I won't !!!

Mom; Love you baby.
Daughter; I love you too.
I thinking, "Just how tough is my granddaughter anyway?"  I have it all on video.  :)

Ranb
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on November 01, 2018, 10:37:15 AM
Simon comes in brandishing a small orange.  "This is evil!"

". . . Evil?"

"Yeah!  People aren't supposed to give fruit and vegetables in trick-or-treat bags.  They're supposed to give pure sugar!"
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Bryanpoprobson on December 12, 2018, 09:00:51 AM
Not a kid saying something, but I didn't want to start a new thread. My Grandson Finley woke up to a Space Elf on a Shelf, yesterday.  :)
(http://i63.tinypic.com/9hnrqx.jpg)
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on December 12, 2018, 10:48:50 AM
We aren't doing that, because creepy and wrong, but if we did have an Elf on the Shelf, sending it to orbit would be just about right.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on February 14, 2019, 05:53:32 AM
8YOS to 6YOD (context unknown): Are you planning to put a pumpkin on your head? The way a skeleton wears one to protect its head from the sun?
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on February 14, 2019, 06:49:02 AM
8YOS (removing margarine container from fridge and starting to read it): Mum? This says it has 75% less salt and fat than butter. But this is butter.

Mummy: No, it's margarine. They perform essentially the same function, and look the same, but they're different things.

8YOS (aghast, brandishing container aloft): You mean you lied to us every time you called it 'kid butter'?
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on February 14, 2019, 07:01:42 AM
Before school 11YOS asks if I could pack a cup-cake-sized chicken frittata in his lunch bag. I do so. 6YOD asks for one as well.

After school he brings me his lunch bag in the kitchen. 6YOD watches the following exchange.

11YOS: I noticed you didn’t pack a chicken frittata in my lunch bag.

Me: Oh, sorry. Well, I thought I packed one.

11YOS: That’s alright. I figure you packed it in 8YOS’s lunch bag by mistake.

Me: Yes, I suppose that’s possible.

I open his lunch bag and remove the sandwich box. The chicken frittata, still sealed in its plastic bag, falls out. I hold it up.

11YOS (a little ashamed): I guess I didn’t see it in there.

6YOD: I noticed you didn’t pack a chicken frittata in my lunch bag too. Oh wait, that’s a mistake, you did and I ate it for lunch.

Me: *glare*
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on February 16, 2019, 07:19:31 PM
Me to a crying Irene: "It's okay.  It's okay.  There are two people in this room who love you very, very much."

Simon: "Well, one, actually, because yeah."
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Northern Lurker on February 17, 2019, 03:09:50 AM
8YOS to 6YOD (context unknown): Are you planning to put a pumpkin on your head? The way a skeleton wears one to protect its head from the sun?

Propably Minecraft. Zombies and skeletons spawned during night will burn in sun, unless they are wearing a headgear. One can wear a carved pumpkin as a hat. It doesn't give any damage resistance and it restricts field of view but it prevents Endermen aggroing you if you look at them.

Edited to add: Monsters can use same armours and headgear as player characters.

Lurky
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on February 18, 2019, 08:49:10 AM
Ah, thank you Lurky.

That explains a lot!
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Northern Lurker on February 18, 2019, 11:35:16 AM
Ah, thank you Lurky.

That explains a lot!

You're welcome!

Lurky
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on February 27, 2019, 11:42:40 AM
Irene cannot pronounce her own name yet.  Calls herself Bean.  Also, she will routinely come into a room and say, "Oh, hi, Mama!"  As if she's surprised to find you exactly where she left you.  These days, if I'm doing things on the other side of the gate, she'll call me until I acknowledge her, so she knows where I am, and follow that with, "Oh, hi, Mama!"
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Kiwi on March 02, 2019, 07:02:02 AM
No amusing quotes here, but a small record of things I said and did in my first two years. First word at 7 months 3 days, although "Mum" seems to be fairly common babble around that age. I would probably still pull a silly face with eyes and nose screwed up if ever scolded.

What's the approximate age for the first word these days?

Quote
[Kiwi] spoke his first word, Mum, on 12 October 1949.  Said Bub-bub on 5 Nov 1949.  Clapped hands 1 Dec 1949.  Said Dad in December.  Waved goodbye 2 Jan 1950.  Said ta, gave thumb up sign and pointed, 1 Mar 1950.  Dadda, Mumma, bubba, "do" for dog, miaow, bar-bar for sheep and jogged at a horse noise.  Said Cyntia for Cynthia 26 Apr 1950.  When scolded pulled a silly face with his eyes and nose screwed up.  Said oh dear dear, in June 1950.  Huwwa for hello, how you, papa for Grandpa, Arnie for Aunty, and fiffa for slipper or shoe in August 1950.  At one year nine months (Dec 1950) could say thankyou, Aunty, please, plum, peas, beans, jam, honey, cheese, bread, more, shoe, all gone, Ditta for Cynthia, Henny for Helen, Dugga for Douglas, Mummy, Daddy, here he is, cardigan or cargie, and sore.

Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on March 02, 2019, 11:10:12 AM
Approximate age tends to be around twelve months; you were clearly an early talker.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on March 11, 2019, 04:44:20 PM
Irene, "reading" The Monster at the End of This Book to herself: "Don't do that book!  [turns page]  Don't do that book!  [turns page]."
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on March 12, 2019, 08:26:41 AM
Mummy goes in to check on the kids two hours after bed time. 6YOD leaps up to give Mummy a big hug.

6YOD: Hello Mummy-doodles! What are the names of the four corners?

Mummy: What?

6YOD (pointing up, down, to the sides): North, south, east, west. What are the names of the four corners in between.

Mummy (considering this isn't particularly the time to engage in extended Q&A sessions): Go to bed!
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on March 12, 2019, 01:13:40 PM
Oh, have I been there!
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Bryanpoprobson on May 15, 2019, 05:28:20 PM
So my little Granddaughter Eva has had a year of having selective deafness, she does have quite severe eye problems. So she has just had a hearing test and they determined her hearing was quite bad. So waiting to see the consultant, the junior doctor came out and asked to run the test again. When he took the results to the consultant they was indicative of her being almost totally deaf. After running the tests again they determined her hearing was very good with a minor difference of 1% in the two ears.
The consultant told my daughter that Eva literally tricked the Junior doctor during the first run of the test. For someone who has just turned 4, she is a little minx. 😂
Trouble is one of these days she will cry wolf one too many times.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on May 24, 2019, 10:45:25 AM
Irene was weeping a bit ago because I wouldn't let her put on pants.  Snow pants.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on June 14, 2019, 09:11:07 AM
Last long weekend was a chance for me to take each of the kids to the local department store for a spot of clothes shopping, one each day.

As 11YOS and I drive home...

11YOS: How long did that trip take?

Me: I dunno, about 45 minutes.

= = = =

The following day, as 6YOD and I drive home...

6YOD: How long were we out?

Me: Ummm...about an hour. Why do you ask?

= = = =

The following day, as 8YOS and I drive home...

8YOS: How much time did we spend shopping?

Me (to myself): WTF?
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on July 07, 2019, 04:09:28 AM
At the dinner table after the last day of school for the term...

6YOD: Just because it's the last day of school doesn't mean tomorrow isn't Saturday.

= = = =

11YOS to 9YOS: You need to pick up all these Pokemon cards on my bedroom floor.

9YOS: No I don't.

11YOS: Yes you do. They're your cards and they're on my bedroom floor.

9YOS: But you're the one who spread them all out on the floor!
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on July 09, 2019, 10:34:49 PM
"Irene pretty hat!"

"Irene does have a pretty hat!  Are you pretty?"

"No, I beautiful!"
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on July 16, 2019, 12:59:20 AM
Irene is listing her toys that are going to sleep.  So we say, "Yes, shhh, time to go to sleep."  Which she repeats to her toys, then says, loudly, "My dragon go to sleep!" or what have you to us.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on August 23, 2019, 08:22:51 AM
School banking day is Thursday, so mummy has filled out the kids' banking books, placed 50 cents in each of their banking book pouches, and placed the pouches on their school bags.

Mummy to 9YOS and 6YOD: Don't forget your bank books when you get to school!

9YOS and 6YOD: We won't!

Mummy: Good. Now get in the car, we're late.

= = = =

Walking from the car to the school...

Mummy: Got your bank books?

9YOS: Don't be angry, but I've left my bank book in the car.

Mummy (rolling eyes): Right, back to the car. (To 6YOD) You go on and I'll catch you up.

9YOS's bank book is retrieved and left at Front Office. Mummy catches up to 6YOD as she lines up outside classroom.

Mummy: Did you hand in your bank book?

6YOD (in small voice): No, I forgot.

= = = =

Mummy to me, after telling me the story: And they object so strongly to being called goldfish on legs...!
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Bryanpoprobson on September 09, 2019, 07:57:16 AM
(https://i.ibb.co/fNyRzwh/Finley.jpg) (https://ibb.co/M1tTx0Y)


He brushed his tooth and said that the tooth fairy would not want to take a dirty tooth.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on September 09, 2019, 11:17:51 AM
We haven't had a tooth out yet, but his best frenemy has--I was delighted to see that her mom is using the tooth pillow I made.  I gave one to all of Simon's classmates when they finished preschool.  Somewhere, I still have the one my preschool teacher made for all of us, and it seemed like a nice memento.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Bryanpoprobson on September 09, 2019, 02:51:09 PM
Tooth pillows are not big in the UK, they are just becoming a thing though.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on September 09, 2019, 10:02:58 PM
(https://i.ibb.co/fNyRzwh/Finley.jpg) (https://ibb.co/M1tTx0Y)


He brushed his tooth and said that the tooth fairy would not want to take a dirty tooth.

Beautiful!

I note the way the "a" is written - a circle with a little tail off the side at varying angles - just the way my kids started writing it. And, impressively, only one letter back to front (and an understandable "d/b" mistake at that); my kids have been much worse at getting letters back to front.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on September 09, 2019, 10:10:39 PM
Living in the house of pedants...

6YOD and 9YOS are playing a boardgame.

6YOD: Do you know where the dice is?

9YOS (exasperated): It's right there by your hand!

6YOD (equally exasperated): But you didn't answer my question: did you know where the dice was, yes or no?!

= = = =

...with the memories of goldfish...

11YOS barrels into the lounge room...

11YOS:
Mum?

Mummy: Yes?

11YOS: Um...never mind, I forgot what I was going to ask.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on September 09, 2019, 11:30:47 PM
...but who at least see the value of lists...

Retrieved from 6YOD's bedroom floor while I was tidying.

= = = =

Job's in the morning

1 - Get drest
2 - Get brekfes
3 - Clen teeth
4 - Strech
5 - Get bag

= = = =

I haven't bothered to reproduce the creative mixture of upper and lower case letters, or the reversed characters.

Sadly, the existence of the list hasn't helped 6YOD with her morning tardiness, the management of which involves a considerable amount of parental Stern Language and Arm Flapping.

However, Wife and I had a good laugh at point 4, and then she noted that 6YOD hadn't included anything about hair preparation or selection of appropriate JoJo Bow, both of which can involve more time than 6YOD is willing to admit.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on September 10, 2019, 11:20:39 AM
This year, there are something like three new kindergartners in our apartment complex, so Simon gets to be the Grand Old Man at the bus.  This may, alas, put a damper on last year's tradition of learning about something in the mornings, since I'm sure the other kids will be more interesting than Mom.  But since kindergarten starts the Monday after the other grades, we did learn some etymology last week, since he's studying Spanish online--I was explaining to him why certain Spanish and English words sound alike.  We now have an in-joke about "a bunch of guys named Norman."
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on September 17, 2019, 12:42:24 PM
[Irene, under the blanket]: "Mama, I hiding!"

[me]: "Where did you go?"

[Irene]: "Uh . . . I don't know."
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Bryanpoprobson on September 17, 2019, 04:33:04 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/CB7iKau.jpg)

Slightly off topic, Grandchild number 6 born today. First time I have totally disagreed with a name, my son and his partner have called her Arora? Sorry but why do parents today use these types of names? I am not enthused. Rant over, Arora is lovely, just hope the name grows on me.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on September 18, 2019, 10:15:07 AM
Aurora, I could get behind, but I'm not thrilled with the spelling.

She is awfully cute either way, though!
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on October 14, 2019, 10:51:28 AM
Irene, when asked if she wants things she wants, will often say no, followed by a winsome little, "Yeah, I do!"
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on October 27, 2019, 06:27:21 AM
Not so much a case of KSTDT, but still worthy of preservation, I think...

= = = =

I was waiting in the Pediatric Emergency Dept with 9YOS (broken arm) with other parents and kids...

Mother to son: Could you get off the phone please?

Two year old son obediently steps off the phone which he'd been using as a stool so he could reach a little further into the pram.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on October 27, 2019, 12:01:02 PM
Hope your son's okay!  Irene had tubes put in her ears this week.

Over on BAUT, there's a discussion about what people wanted to be when they grew up; Simon's response was a despairing, "I keep changing; they're all so good!"
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on October 29, 2019, 09:57:31 AM
Hope your son's okay!

Thank you for asking.

Last Friday he fell off school playground equipment and gave himself a buckle fracture of his left radius near the wrist. Two weeks in a half cast. Some pain, but it settled down after a night.

The worst bit was that it happened two days before a classmate's birthday party at a scooter facility, and the doctor said he wasn't allowed to ride. He was filthy about that, and I didn't really blame him for asking to leave the party as soon as he'd had his piece of birthday cake - it was just too much for him to be forced to sit and watch everyone else having fun.

About the only consolation was that nearly every classmate asked him on Monday what had happened, so he got to be the centre of attention...
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on October 29, 2019, 11:17:55 AM
Yeah, that sounds frustrating.  My older sister got chicken pox (something my kids will not be dealing with!) the week of her second grade class's field trip to the children's museum, and that was probably the worst part of chicken pox for her.  It worked out great for me, though, as our parents took us to the museum during spring break.  It's one of the few non-Disneyland trips with my dad that I remember even a little.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on November 02, 2019, 11:35:50 PM
From the School of Creative Excuses...

Mummy: Have you written those four dot points from the chapters you read in that book?

12YOS: No. I accidentally read too far, and I was worried that if I wrote any dot points they might be about chapters I wasn't supposed to read.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on November 06, 2019, 10:03:55 AM
Yesterday, we took the kids with us to vote.  Afterward, I asked Simon if he had any questions about voting, and he wanted to know how you stop being President.  So I decided to explain elections to him, because I didn't feel like getting into impeachment.  Unfortunately, when we got to the last election, he said, "So he got more votes?"  You ever have to try to explain the Electoral College to a six-year-old?
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on November 07, 2019, 08:31:00 AM
Eh...try explaining the parliamentary system to a 12YO, a 9YO and a 6YO with different boredom thresholds.

I sometimes think the 6YOD would vote for any party which had a unicorn for an emblem (or a butterfly).
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Bryanpoprobson on November 07, 2019, 01:28:39 PM
Granddaughter Eva after a short hospital visit. “Mr Taxi driver could you please drive faster. I have to get back to school otherwise my friends will miss me!”
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on November 07, 2019, 08:54:58 PM
9YOS's half-cast came off today, and was handed back to him by the doctor as a souvenir.

9YOS: I name it...Castie!
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on November 08, 2019, 11:01:33 AM
Eh...try explaining the parliamentary system to a 12YO, a 9YO and a 6YO with different boredom thresholds.

I sometimes think the 6YOD would vote for any party which had a unicorn for an emblem (or a butterfly).

I believe Simon voted for Trump in his school election three years ago because Trump is funny.  Which . . . yeah.

And your nine-year-old's naming system is not unlike Simon's.  Our car is Vannie.  His toys include Green Dragon, Blue Dragon, and Red Dragon.  He's not going to be allowed to name our house, when we move, and I joke that the girl he proposed to a while back definitely isn't going to marry him, because you could see her thinking about how he'd name the kids.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Bryanpoprobson on November 30, 2019, 04:22:35 AM
Three of my grandkids and my daughter were caught up in London’s latest terror incident. Little Harry is too young for it to affect him. My daughter was full of praise for Finley and Eva as they listened to the police instructions (although Eva had to go back and get some food she left). I only hope it doesn’t play too much on Finley as he does over think things and this will play on his mind for sometime.
Brings to mind how vulnerable we all are to this kind of thing. I’m taking my staff out in London today and the wife is really apprehensive about it now.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on January 29, 2020, 09:26:17 AM
Kids are watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on the TV one Saturday morning...

7YOD makes an idle comment about Michaelangelo liking a pizza for his bee.

9YOS and 12YOS are distracted enough by the strangeness of the comment to look away from the TV at her.

It takes a considerable amount of back-and-forth between the three of them until the boys work out that she was talking about Michaelangelo liking a pizza frisbee...
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on March 06, 2020, 04:34:32 AM
7YOD is taking a really long time to eat her breakfast.

Mummy: Why are you always looking down at your lap?

7YOD (looks up guiltily): I like looking at it. It's a nice looking lap.

Suspicious Mummy gets up to investigate, and finds 7YOD has a book on her lap which she's trying to read as she eats.

= = = =

9YOS showing his maturity with the questions he asks...

9YOS: What's a civil war?

9YOS: Will I catch the coronavirus?

9YOS: Will Bernie Sanders be the person to beat Donald Trump at the election?

...and then...

9YOS to 12YOS: Can I fart in your clarinet?
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on March 06, 2020, 10:47:58 AM
Yesterday during our home inspection (we are finally buying a house), Irene demanded that I "make a lap" for her to sit in.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: LunarOrbit on March 06, 2020, 10:54:10 AM
we are finally buying a house

Congratulations!
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on March 07, 2020, 09:46:23 AM
Thank you kindly!  We're keeping Simon in his current school until the end of the school year, but right now, there's a lot of excitement around here.  We have a meeting with our mortgage broker Tuesday to make sure that's all in order.  A guy from the VA has to inspect the house to make sure it qualifies for a VA loan.  And then, after over two years of looking and having been outbid four times, we're going to have enough room!  Both kids will have their own rooms!  Two bathrooms!  A backyard!  Simon hasn't seen the house yet, because we've managed to do all the house-related appointments while he's in school.  But he already declared one of the bedrooms his.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on March 16, 2020, 08:19:28 AM
A few weeks ago we melted some chocolate into moulds to make simple decorations for a birthday cake, and there were a few left over. Lacking any other dessert for the kids' dinner we offered them a couple of these chocolates each - one shaped like a love heart and one shaped like a unicorn's head.

Not realising at first that everyone had received the same amount of chocolate, the kids checked each others' bowls, which soon degenerated into arguments about the relative sizes of the pieces, and accusations and denials about what each had said.

So I asked, "You kids would seriously prefer to argue with each other than eat chocolate?"

At which point silence fell and they shoved the chocolate into their mouths...
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Bryanpoprobson on March 23, 2020, 04:16:00 PM
First day of home schooling, because of school closures in UK. Eva goes up to her dad and says “ Mummy is a rubbish teacher, I’m not going to her school tomorrow!”
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Bryanpoprobson on March 29, 2020, 08:17:21 AM
Isolation has got to my grandson Harry 🤪 his new best friend is a potato that he carries everywhere and tucks up to bed in Eva’s Sylvanian house 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣


(https://i.imgur.com/zukW0p8.jpg)
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on March 30, 2020, 06:27:05 PM
Me, muttering under my breath: "If I can get this lid open, anyway."

Irene: "You can do it, Mom!  I know you can!"
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on April 02, 2020, 11:43:19 AM
Irene has started asking if she can do everything "for a while."  "Can I do my work for a while?"  "Can I eat food for a while?"
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on April 06, 2020, 07:29:39 AM
I'd been introducing a work colleague to the amusements of Chuck Norris memes. One in particular is relevant:
Quote
Spell check doesn't correct Chuck Norris's spelling. It corrects the dictionary.

Anyway, 7YOD was doing some homework online in the form of a maths quiz. After everything had been going fine for a while, she got quite cranky - the computer kept giving her the wrong answer...
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Bryanpoprobson on May 12, 2020, 03:35:12 PM
Eva - age 5
Fin - age 6
1. What is the Corona virus?
Eva - bugs and germs that make you poorly
Fin - a germ
2. Who is the prime minister?
Eva - Boris Johnson
Fin -Boris Johnson
3. How many days have we been in lockdown?
Eva - 22 days ages and ages
Fin -7 weeks
4. What is/did mummy wear/or wearing today?
Eva - work clothes
Fin - clothes
5. Do you want to go back to nursery/school?
Eva - Yes
Fin - No
6. Who is the first person you are going to hug when lockdown ends?
Eva - I have loads Summer, Mrs Grant, Sarah, Nanna Dawn, Char Hester, Nanna Jane, Carly, Rory , Simon, Jenson, Kelly, MandyandLorne Roxanne’s mummy, Grandad Paul and Nanny Tammy
Fin - No one I only cuddle mummy
7. Where is the first place you want to go?
Eva - France 🤷‍♀️
Fin - Football training
8. What do you think we can do to get rid of the Corona virus?
Eva - Help save lives by giving food
Finley -Stay home
9. Is mummy a good teacher? 
Eva - Yes but daddy isn’t
Fin - Yes but you get angry at Eva a lot 🤣
10. If corona virus was an animal what animal would it be?
Eva - Triceratops
Fin - Fly because it’s annoying like a fly
11. How did the Corona Virus start?
Eva - Don’t know
Fin - By people throwing rubbish everywhere
12.If you had to wear protective clothing to help you what would it be?
Eva - T-shirt, vest, jumper, coat, leggings with plastic clothes on top 🤣
Fin - Full body armour like a knight
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on May 19, 2020, 10:09:11 AM
We got kittens yesterday, which is of course a wealth of fun stuff the kids say.

Irene: "I don't like the cat food.  I tasted it, and it tastes yucky."

[later] Me: "What do we do with the cats?"

Irene: "Feed them with cat food, I think."

Simon, meanwhile, learned last night how to be patient and wait for the kittens to come to him, because one of them's a definite lap cat if you'll settle down long enough for her to climb on your lap, but excited kids are alarming enough so that going after her just results in Disappearing Kitty.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on May 21, 2020, 10:35:02 AM
"I love you."

"I love burping."
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Bryanpoprobson on May 21, 2020, 05:51:22 PM
My granddaughter Eva does make me laugh, but tonight’s effort crossed the line. She thought it would be funny to ask mummy for a cuddle and sneakily rub slime in her hair. Mummy was not impressed.

(https://i.imgur.com/ZvawNLJ.jpg)
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on May 28, 2020, 09:25:20 PM
Ah, lamingtons, a very enjoyable treat for dessert (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lamington) which we know the kids will eat.

Anyway, we picked up a pack of 18 lamington fingers to provide dessert for a couple of days. The usual deal had been one lamington finger for each of the kids...

7YOD: Why do you only give us one lamington finger each for dessert?

(I go to the kitchen and find there are seven fingers left. I serve two to each of the kids and save the last for myself.)

7YOD: Why did you give us two lamington fingers for dessert?

Me: *sigh*
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on June 01, 2020, 05:57:27 AM
Movie time on Sunday afternoon

I put a movie into the DVD player.

12YOS walks in.

12YOS: What's the movie?

9YOS walks in.

Me: "The Three Musketeers", based on a novel by Alexandre Dumas.

9YOS: What's the movie?

7YOD walks in.


Me (curtly): "The Three Musketeers", based on a novel by Alexandre Dumas.

7YOD: What's the movie?

Me (exasperated): "The Three Musketeers", based on a novel by Alexandre Dumas! Doesn't anyone listen in this house?
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on June 01, 2020, 11:18:07 AM
Yesterday, Graham put in Porco Rosso for Irene.  When I suggested she go watch it, she told me Graham had not put in Porco Rosso.  He put in Flying Pig.  (For those unaware, Porco Rosso is a charming Miyazaki film about a World War I pilot who is cursed and turned into a pig.  In the American dub, he's voiced by Michael Keaton.)
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on June 27, 2020, 02:54:41 AM
Mummy is walking 10YOS and 7YOD to school.

Mummy notices 10YOS is trying to read a (Harry Potter) book as he walks.

Mummy: Please stop reading or you'll go splat.

10YOS: I'll be fine.

Another parent and child join the footpath a little front.

Mummy
: Please stop reading or you'll go splat, and I'll say I told you so.

10YOS: I'll be fine!

Parent in front sniggers.

They approach school and other parents approach with their kids.

10YOS starts to walk up the rough incline onto the school's sports ground, still reading. He walks into a tree but manages to stay on his feet. He looks around in case Mummy saw.

Mummy
: I did warn you I'd say 'I told you so.'

Other parents snigger.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on July 01, 2020, 11:34:38 AM
"I love you and Dad and even Simon!"
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on July 09, 2020, 11:54:51 PM
7YOD opens fridge door to stare at contents. After a lengthy stare...

Mummy
: Shut the door, it's a waste of electricity!

7YOD (reluctantly shutting fridge door): But I'm looking to see what leftovers I can have for lunch!

Mummy: There's sausage risotto, quiche, chicken nuggets...

7YOD: Is there tuna bake? I really liked the tuna bake.

Mummy: Yes, there's tuna bake.

7YOD: Yum!

Mummy: So what do you want for lunch?

7YOD: Quiche.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on July 10, 2020, 10:53:34 AM
Simon's birthday is Sunday, and I've arranged to have a lot of my friends send him birthday cards.  Also, I'm not going out to buy things in person and am having them shipped.  So we've been having a lot of packages arrive.  Irene has apparently decided that whoever brings in the package in is the person the package belongs to.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on July 12, 2020, 12:50:12 AM
Mummy is wearing a particularly fluffy sweatshirt. She sits down, and 7YOD climbs onto her for a cuddle.

7YOD
: Ooh, you're so beautifully cuddly. How do people make hammers?
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on July 12, 2020, 11:43:35 AM
Simon's godmother and her mom, the kids' adopted grandmother, stopped by yesterday to do a social distancing birthday drop.  I came outside first with Irene, who said, "I supposed to say hi."
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on July 18, 2020, 10:48:06 PM
On a cold winter's day, 10YOS goes out on a playdate with a classmate. Classmate is wearing shorts and a T-shirt. 7YOD is standing at the front window watching them leave.

7YOD
: I can't believe he's wearing short sleeves on a day like this.

Me: What are you talking about? You're wearing a T-shirt.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on July 19, 2020, 08:05:23 AM
12YOS walks into the kitchen and stares thoughtfully into the fridge.

12YOS
: Mum, there are four chicken envelopes left. Can I have two for lunch?

Mum: Yes, that's fine.

Me (walking into the kitchen behind 12YOS): Hang on, you've just eaten two. You're not having four chicken envelopes for lunch.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Bryanpoprobson on August 17, 2020, 05:50:33 PM
So Eva age 5 at it again. Has finally got a check up for her eyes as clinics begin to open again (her bad eye is now two points down) . The doctor is waving his hands and said, “Who’s waving, me or mummy?“
Eva, “Duh, you, obviously?”
Doctor, “There are three dogs on the screen in front of you, how many monkeys are there!”
Eva, “None, I left my brothers at home!”

Then on Sunday had the family over and my sons girlfriend offers to clear up after dinner. She says, “Actually it gives me a five minute break from looking after my baby! After clearing up Eva says, “Well you’ve had your five minutes, better get back to your baby!”

The little minx is just so cheeky, but it’s all instant.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on August 18, 2020, 03:45:51 AM
There's going to be an election in the ACT in a couple of months, so candidates are just starting to distribute material.

I picked a pamphlet out of the letter box for one candidate and left it on a table where 10YOS saw it.

10YOS: Wow, he's got the same name as a kid in my year.

Me: Yes, this guy is your classmate's father.

10YOS: I had no idea these people had children just like us.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on August 26, 2020, 06:44:57 AM
The kids are convinced they don't like mushrooms. I quite like them, so a tin of mushroom soup goes down well with me. I've tried to bring the kids along with the soup thing, but because it was mushroom soup they weren't going to try it.

Anyway, the Campbell's brand soup tin has a recipe on the side for making beef stroganoff, with the tinned soup being one of the ingredients. I cooked it up one evening, telling the kids only what the dish was called, and not what it contained.

As I suspected, they all enjoyed it and all wanted seconds.

Me: So you want some more?

10YOS: Yes! And can you make sure I get some of the curved meat?

Me: You're sure you want some of the curved meat?

10YOS: Yes, the meat that you cut into curves.

Me: Oh, you mean the mushrooms.

All three of them: !!

Me: So does that mean you'll try mushroom soup now?

All three of them: No!
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on August 26, 2020, 10:39:26 AM
When we watched The Avengers the other night, Irene (who now has her own Letterboxd account) informed us that blood would be ewy for dinner, so it could be worse?  (No one suggested having it, either in the room or in the movie, you understand.)

I've been watching Cop Rock in the mornings before the kids wake up, having acquired it on DVD.  Simon is bewildered by the musical conventions in it and yesterday demanded to know how a character changed clothes so quickly.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on August 29, 2020, 01:21:26 PM
"You're cute."

"I not cute--I a girl."
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on September 08, 2020, 08:10:51 AM
Mummy buys a raisin loaf so we can have raisin toast for breakfast...

Mummy: So, would you like to have some raisin toast for breakfast tomorrow?

10YOS (thinking carefully): Oh...maybe.

Mummy (a bit deflated): Oh...

10YOS: I mean, I have it for afternoon tea at After School Care and I like it then.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on September 08, 2020, 12:13:44 PM
Irene has been insisting that she will learn her alphabet when she starts school, and we are having a very hard time explaining to her that school has been put off for another year.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on September 10, 2020, 11:58:01 AM
"I so proud of you!"

"You're so proud of me?"

"Yeah!"

"Why?"

"Because I love you!"
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Bryanpoprobson on September 16, 2020, 05:39:17 AM
Finley 7 Eva 5

Their mum was taking them to school this morning. The next door neighbours son was being led out of the house in handcuffs by the Police.

Finley to Eva "That will be you when you get older"
Eva "Yeah it will be. I don't mind, look at the cool police van he gets to ride in!"

The girl is nuts..  ;D ;D
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on September 18, 2020, 09:22:45 AM
I'm driving 12YOS past a favourite cafe/takeaway...

Me: I'll have to take you to that place some time - 'Zeus Street Greek'.

12YOS: Let me guess, they do Greek food.

Me (to myself): Gee, he's quick.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on September 18, 2020, 09:28:29 AM
I'm collecting 10YOS and 7YOD from school. I spot a jet contrail and point it out to them...

Me: Don't see many of them these days...

7YOD: Why not?

Me: Well, there are travel restrictions because of the pandemic.

7YOD: That's not nice.

Me: Well, it's better than allowing lots of people to get infected and die from the virus.

This goes back and forth a couple more times until eventually...

7YOD (with a sigh): Okay, Dad, you win.

Me: It's not about winning, it's about helping you become thinking people.

7YOD: bursts out laughing

Me (baffled): What's so funny about teaching you to be people who are good at thinking?

7YOD: continues to laugh

Me: ??
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on September 18, 2020, 11:08:59 AM
A while back, when I was trying to get Irene to wear a mask, she informed me at a low wail that she was tired of being smart.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: JayUtah on September 18, 2020, 11:44:45 AM
A while back, when I was trying to get Irene to wear a mask, she informed me at a low wail that she was tired of being smart.

I know a lot of people who echo that sentiment.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on September 19, 2020, 11:53:56 AM
I mean, I certainly agree with her.  I'm tired of it myself.  But if we aren't, it'll all go on so much longer.  She cried when she realized she wasn't starting preschool this year, but there's no such thing as safe, effective preschool.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: JayUtah on September 19, 2020, 12:06:27 PM
Yeah, I was including myself in that.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on September 20, 2020, 03:13:15 AM
I make no bones about the fact that I'm a coffee peasant. Instant is just fine for my (caffeine delivery) needs. However, lately 12YOS has taken to having coffee too (10YOS and 7YOD like their tea, like Mum).

Anyway, I hadn't seen 12YOS make a cup of coffee before, so I was surprised when I saw him add some chocolate to the coffee, as I do.

Me: Oh, I didn't know you added chocolate.

12YOS: Yes, just like you.

Me: You're a copy cat!

12YOS: More like a coffee cat!

*sniff* My boy's growing up so fast, he just made his first Dad joke! *sniff*
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on September 20, 2020, 12:37:21 PM
Yeah, I was including myself in that.

It's really hard.  Simon's old enough to understand at least the outlines of what's going on, but Irene isn't.  Or if she is, I don't know how to explain it so she'll understand it.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: JayUtah on September 22, 2020, 02:28:55 AM
Despite my accomplishments, I can't even begin to fathom the task of explaining a pandemic to a preschooler.  My brother turned 40 today.  He has a brood ranging from 7 to 14.  He's a wonderful parent, and so is his delightful wife.  They are my heroes.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on September 22, 2020, 10:59:26 AM
Every night, Irene asks me to read her a story and sing her five songs, because five is her favourite number.  This is a pleasant change from Simon, who would whine at me to stop singing.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on September 23, 2020, 05:27:20 AM
Despite my accomplishments, I can't even begin to fathom the task of explaining a pandemic to a preschooler.  My brother turned 40 today.  He has a brood ranging from 7 to 14.  He's a wonderful parent, and so is his delightful wife.  They are my heroes.

Obviously my youngest is older than a pre-schooler, but at the start of the lockdown back in March (sheesh, that long ago?) my wife and I had a conversation about the virus with our kids after dinner one night. We explained things in fairly simple terms, and tried to walk the line between downplaying the danger and scaring them. We kept the initial explanation to only a few minutes and told them to go away and have a think about it, and then ask any questions at dinner the following night.

The key for us was getting our understanding of the facts into their brains before they picked up any whacky or misunderstood concepts from their classmates (or jittery parents).

It helped that we usually have a decent conversation at most dinners about all sorts of topics - quite often something I've read in the news that day. So they were already receptive to the idea of listening while I talk (which I can get away with because they're usually still eating) and then asking questions after that.

It's also helped that Canberra has experienced so little direct effect from the virus - it's nearly 11 weeks since the last case was recorded, a few months since the last death - and the preventive measures are pretty mild. Here's hoping we can keep this up until a vaccine arrives.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on September 23, 2020, 12:51:10 PM
Oh, explaining to Simon has been way easier.  He's pretty much on top of things.  Irene, not so much.

Meanwhile, one of Simon's former classmates, who I think of as his "best frenemy," sent the message through her mom--one of my Facebook friends since the kids were in preschool together--that she missed him.  I told him this yesterday, and Irene responded with, "She misses me, too!"  Ellie's mom says that Ellie came back with, "I can't remember her name, but sure, I miss her.  I miss everyone."
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: JayUtah on September 24, 2020, 07:59:39 PM
It's also helped that Canberra has experienced so little direct effect from the virus - it's nearly 11 weeks since the last case was recorded, a few months since the last death - and the preventive measures are pretty mild. Here's hoping we can keep this up until a vaccine arrives.

That's looking like an attractive refuge as we slowly become Amerika.  My state alone recorded nearly 1,200 new cases just today.  My brother's eldest daughter turned 13 today.  I talked to him recently.  They're coping by doing a lot of outdoor activities that lets them keep distance.

Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Bryanpoprobson on October 03, 2020, 04:23:01 PM
Not a case of saying funny things, but I have several things to say about my 5 y o granddaughter Eva, here is a good thing from her. At the start of lockdown she started her own veggie patch in the garden. We have had carrots, peas, runner beans, peppers, chillis. Here is the latest offering to ripen, and she has done it with very little help from the adults.
(https://i.imgur.com/XGhyiha.jpg)
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on October 27, 2020, 09:20:37 AM
The importance of a good vocabulary

During the school holidays Mummy has to take all three kids with her to her physiotherapist appointment. Mummy explains to the physio how she's bought a replacement seat for her exercise bike because the old one gave her a sore bum.

Shrieks of delighted outrage from the kids.

7YOD: Mummy said 'bum'!

Mummy (rolling her eyes): Yes, you don't often hear me say butt, bum or bottom.

More shrieks of delight from the kids.

10YOS: Mummy just said three words for posterior!
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on November 07, 2020, 11:14:16 AM
[kids knock on our door first thing this morning]

Graham: "We're not letting you in."

Simon: "Why not?"

Me: "Did you ever consider that we might like some time to ourselves?  We just woke up."

Simon:  "Well--!"  [storms off]

Graham: "Good comeback, Simon."
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on November 10, 2020, 11:04:13 AM
"No, you can't watch TV until after Simon's school and you've done your work.  You know the rules."

[angry heavy breathing]  "I don't want rules!"
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on December 03, 2020, 03:31:42 AM
Humour crisis...

The school our 7YOD and 10YOS attend had its Christmas Concert this afternoon (keeping in mind we're reaching the end of the school year too). My wife and I attended, along with 13YOS.

One of the show presenters, a Year 6 boy, was incessantly telling really bad Christmas-themed Dad jokes, while his fellow presenters offered appropriately dismal reactions. 13YOS didn't catch most of the jokes because of the background noise, so I repeated them for him.

Me: What do you call an old snow man?

13YOS: What?

Me: Water.

13YOS: Oh dear...
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on December 03, 2020, 11:38:53 AM
We had school picture day yesterday, which was quite the experience given we're still distance learning.  But Simon made friends, and they exchanged gamer tags on Minecraft so they could keep track of one another.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on January 23, 2021, 12:40:20 AM
8YOD has asked if she could do drama classes this term, "Because I do really dramatic death scenes."
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: raven on January 23, 2021, 04:25:08 AM
8YOD has asked if she could do drama classes this term, "Because I do really dramatic death scenes."
She'll love Shakespeare then! ;D Probably a bit young for knowing what all the jokes mean though.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on January 23, 2021, 12:38:33 PM
Yeah, you've got to wait until they're at least ten for that.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on January 23, 2021, 06:17:39 PM
8YOD has asked if she could do drama classes this term, "Because I do really dramatic death scenes."
She'll love Shakespeare then! ;D Probably a bit young for knowing what all the jokes mean though.

Oh absolutely.

We've got a book of all Shakespeare's plays and every so often I pull it out and read some of the more famous soliloquys from it (modernising the language as I go) while they're eating dinner.

I've also got a book with the screenplay of Sir Ian McKellen's film version of Richard III, which I used to unpackage Richard's opening soliloquy for 10YOS. He can also do the amateur dramatics when he wants to, but also has just enough extra years to understand what I was explaining and then ask intelligent questions of his own.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: raven on January 23, 2021, 08:10:36 PM
8YOD has asked if she could do drama classes this term, "Because I do really dramatic death scenes."
She'll love Shakespeare then! ;D Probably a bit young for knowing what all the jokes mean though.

Oh absolutely.

We've got a book of all Shakespeare's plays and every so often I pull it out and read some of the more famous soliloquys from it (modernising the language as I go) while they're eating dinner.

I've also got a book with the screenplay of Sir Ian McKellen's film version of Richard III, which I used to unpackage Richard's opening soliloquy for 10YOS. He can also do the amateur dramatics when he wants to, but also has just enough extra years to understand what I was explaining and then ask intelligent questions of his own.
My family would watch a lot of Shakespeare movies growing up (my favourites were Twelfth Night with  Ben Kingsley and Much Ado About Nothing With Emma Thompson) and my older sister and I would quote back and forth to each other long passages from them.  Cue 20 years later, and I'm in local community theatre, though my memorization skills are not, alas, what they were then.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: JayUtah on January 24, 2021, 12:21:14 PM
Heh, I had my first paying Shakespeare role at age 16.  I played Fleance in [the Scottish play].  Although I like reading Shakespeare, I don't often like performing him.  But should any of you visit Utah, don't visit me -- visit the Utah Shakespearean Festival in Cedar City.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on January 24, 2021, 12:28:50 PM
I've played the kids some Shakespeare, but I have to admit they're more familiar with him as a character on The Who Was? Show--where he is, appropriately enough, played by a girl in drag.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Bryanpoprobson on January 30, 2021, 12:08:47 AM
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on February 05, 2021, 11:05:37 PM
8YOD emerges an hour or so after bed time to complain she can't get to sleep because of strange noises (it was raining quite heavily, but there was no thunder).

Mummy: Can you hear the rain outside?

8YOD: Yes.

Mummy: That's not scary, is it?

8YOD: No.

Mummy: Well, you go back to bed, and you concentrate on listening to the sounds of the rain drops hitting the roof.

8YOD: But that sounds boring!
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on February 05, 2021, 11:06:58 PM
Plus, annoyingly, all three kids are going through a phase of pretending to not understand figurative language when they hear it, and are instead interpreting all such statements literally.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on February 06, 2021, 09:59:45 AM
Oh, my Gods, being bored at bedtime.  "It doesn't matter if you're bored; you're supposed to go to sleep anyway!"
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: JayUtah on February 06, 2021, 02:42:44 PM
I've always considered a helpful milestone in going from childhood to adulthood to be when sleep becomes a reward instead of punishment.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on February 06, 2021, 08:37:19 PM
I've always considered a helpful milestone in going from childhood to adulthood to be when sleep becomes a reward instead of punishment.

LOL! So true!

The kids have just finished six weeks of summer holidays. I think it took them about four of those six weeks to embrace the idea of sleeping in. Of course, now we have to get them back into the routine of getting up at 7am to be ready for school...
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on March 10, 2021, 12:29:12 AM
10YOS and 8YOD were helping Mummy put away the groceries which had just been delivered.

8YOD picked up a pack of cheese and bacon bread rolls.

8YOD: Where do I put these?

Mummy: Put them in the bread bin and hide them so the kids can't find them.

8YOD walks over to the bread bin and places them inside it.

Pause...

10YOS: Hang on, we're the kids!
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on March 10, 2021, 12:41:26 AM
Jimmy (not real name) is a kid in 10YOS's class, and who plays with 10YOS and 8YOD at lunch times.

Last weekend 8YOD wanted to talk to me about Jimmy.

8YOD: Jimmy says you and Mum are lame for not letting us play Minecraft the way his Mum lets him.

Me: Well, you know Mum and I have our reasons which we've explained to you, and you know you're not the only kids at school who don't get to play Minecraft. But he's entitled to his opinion.

8YOD: I think he has it good, being allowed to play Minecraft.

Me: Just remember his parents have separated. It must be a bit tough moving back and forth between his parents' places. So I don't think he has it that good, given what his family life must be like.

8YOD: Well, you're entitled to your opinion.

With an attitude like that I'm sure she has a future in the legal profession...!
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on March 10, 2021, 11:10:35 AM
Out of curiosity, I asked Irene for the first time the other day what she wants to be when she grows up.  She either wants to make real pizzas or be a doctor.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on March 10, 2021, 10:06:54 PM
Out of curiosity, I asked Irene for the first time the other day what she wants to be when she grows up.  She either wants to make real pizzas or be a doctor.

Honorable professions, both of them!

13YOS has consistently indicated he'd like to be a Lego Master Builder (as inspired by Ryan McNaught, Australia's only official Lego Master Builder - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ryan_McNaught)

The problem is that, even at his age, he sees the desired outcome but not the path to it.

Right now I'm trying to get him to channel some of that desire into using his enormous Lego collection to re-create a section of the Walls of Constantinople for a school project.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on March 11, 2021, 10:44:42 AM
Simon wants to be a gamer.  Seven is too young to explain the problems with that career path, and I'm focusing on "you still have to get through school."
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on March 12, 2021, 10:48:40 PM
Plus, annoyingly, all three kids are going through a phase of pretending to not understand figurative language when they hear it, and are instead interpreting all such statements literally.

As a lot of the humour in "Spaceballs" is from the silliness of interpreting things literally, they love that movie...

In the meantime, we recently found out this love of literal-ness has caused other problems.

A few years ago we bought some educational posters to stick on walls - how to read an analog clock, the planets, dinosaurs, that sort of stuff. One of the posters was the times tables; as these are no longer taught in school we thought it might help our kids to learn them. To that end we put that poster on the back of the toilet door, so they could contemplate the times tables while they contemplated the universe in general. The poster said it was suitable for children aged 7 to 11.

The problem was that when she was six years old, 8YOD interpreted that literally.

Yes, when she was 6YOD, she thought she wasn't supposed to read the poster because she was too young, and when she went to the toilet she covered her eyes so she didn't see the "forbidden" poster.

*sigh*
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: molesworth on March 13, 2021, 06:05:27 AM
Simon wants to be a gamer.  Seven is too young to explain the problems with that career path, and I'm focusing on "you still have to get through school."

He'll probably change his mind 20 times in the next 10 years  :)  However, having spent about a third of my working life as a games developer, I can say it's fun job and a great career.  And there's plenty of opportunities whether you go with coding, art, animation, production etc.  (Being a professional gamer however is much the same as being a top sportsperson or musician - many try but few are chosen.)
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on March 13, 2021, 11:24:03 AM
Yes, I've told him that.  I'm trying to tell him that he needs to have a backup life-plan in case being a gamer doesn't work for him, but, you know, seven.  (And "gamer" has stuck for something like a year now.)  If it happens, that's fine, but I need to be certain he's aware by the time he grows up that it might not be a thing.

They have decided they will be Sandy and Zane now.  That was one I was expecting to change faster than it did.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: JayUtah on March 14, 2021, 01:05:38 PM
Off-topic, but I just want to point out that the software people who score the best in our interviews all come from the gaming industry.  You guys really know your stuff, so be proud.

But yes, e-sports are just as competitive as physical sports.  A second or backup career is essential, as well as very smart financial planning.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: molesworth on March 14, 2021, 07:15:15 PM
Off-topic, but I just want to point out that the software people who score the best in our interviews all come from the gaming industry.  You guys really know your stuff, so be proud.
<off-topic>
Thanks Jay.  A lot of that comes from the constant quest for more and more performance on the same, sometimes limited, hardware.  It's what makes the job fun, and a real day-to-day challenge.  It's easier nowadays, but 20 years ago there was a lot of "jiggery-pokery" needed...

I think I did quite well in the interview test for my space tech job.  And funnily, when we had a vacancy and I recommended one of my developer friends, my boss said he gave almost exactly the same answers to the questions as I did  ;D
</off-topic>
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on March 19, 2021, 07:53:29 PM
Telling the passage of time...

I'm currently reading "The Lord of the Rings" to 8YOD and 10YOS, usually a chapter on weekday nights before bed (just finished reading "The Hobbit" to them and they keenly wanted to continue... Anyway, I'm sure you know how long LOTR chapters are.

However, this particular Friday night 10YOS and 8YOD had instead been watching the TV. A show was just finishing...

Me: Okay, TV goes off at the end of the show.

8YOD: Aw, but I wanted to watch the next show.

Me: Sorry, not tonight. You're due for bed in five minutes.

8YOD: In that case could you read us a chapter of "Lord of the Rings"?
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on March 19, 2021, 07:56:47 PM
8YOD likes an occasional cup of tea. I was making a cuppa for me and Mummy, and 8YOD asked for one too.

8YOD: How much sugar did you put in it?

Me: Two teaspoons.

8YOD: Yay, just how I like it.

Me: I always put two teaspoons in it because I remember what you like.

Mummy: I swear they think we do things like this at random...
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on March 20, 2021, 09:47:54 AM
Yeah, the kids say the same thing here--"How did you know that's how I wanted it?"
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on March 31, 2021, 04:52:43 PM
Mummy and I go to school to collect 10YOS and 8YOD (we had parent-teacher meetings that afternoon).

10YOS walks up to us waving a permission slip for the Year 5/6 school camp, to be held at a Department of Education facility about half an hour out of town.

10YOS (triumphantly): At last, we can have an overnight camp.

Mummy (with a straight face): Oh, honey, didn't you know, you can't go on that camp!

10YOS (matter-of-factly): Yeah, that's okay, I didn't want to go anyway.

Mummy (baffled): You mean, you're thrilled you can go, but you don't want to?

10YOS: No, I'm not interested.

Mummy: You're weird.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on March 31, 2021, 04:56:17 PM
Music...

Me: Just remember, it's Wednesday, so remember you have your guitar lesson.

10YOS: Oh yes, thank you for reminding me. I'll take my trumpet.

Me: ??

10YOS: Yes, today's the day we have band practice.

= = = =

To be fair, there was logic in what he said. He's learning guitar, and he'd just been issued his trumpet as a new member of the school's brass band. I just didn't know Wednesday was band practice day as well as his guitar lesson day.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on April 01, 2021, 10:35:06 AM
Last night, Sandy was pretending to be a construction worker.  She was pretending to build a house out of brick--with glass windows, of course.  Then, she pretended a dragon came along and burned the house, except you can't burn brick so it only burned the windows.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: JayUtah on April 01, 2021, 11:10:02 AM
You can't burn brick, but fire will still do a number of brick structures (as Fred Dibnah aptly demonstrates).  Just give her a bulb horn to honk when it finally goes over.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on April 02, 2021, 10:26:22 AM
I'd chosen not to explain that glass doesn't exactly burn easily.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on April 06, 2021, 12:40:39 AM
3pm on the first day of the school holidays...

10YOS: I'm bored...

Me:  >:(
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on April 14, 2021, 03:42:14 AM
Mummy (to 8YOD, around lunchtime): How about you put your dirty plate in the dishwasher?

8YOD complies, then spots dirty plate in front of Mummy.

8YOD: Maybe you could put that plate in the dishwasher too?

Mummy: Because I'm still getting my lunch ready and haven't eaten it yet.

8YOD: <big sigh> There's always an excuse.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on April 30, 2021, 09:06:44 PM
Getting meta with jokes...

= = = =

8YOD: Do you want to hear a joke?

Me: Okay.

8YOD (reading from something): How did the koala get the branch manager position?

Me: I don't know.

8YOD: He was koala-fied.

Me (groaning): Oh, very good.

8YOD: Don't congratulate me. Congratulate the person who wrote the joke.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on April 30, 2021, 09:10:18 PM
I'm waiting outside the dance school with shopping. 8YOD emerges from the dance school after ballet class, groaning.

8YOD: That was terrible!

Me: What's the matter?

8YOD: We did arm exercises, and my arms are really sore.

Me: Well, let's go home so you can rest.

(I pick up the shopping and a loaf of bread falls out. 8YOD leaps forward to retrieve it.)

Me: I'll pick it up. I thought you said your arms were really sore.

8YOD: Oh, yeah! In that case you can take my dance bag too!
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on May 01, 2021, 10:19:05 AM
I told Zane yesterday that the noise when he's whining sound like the Burgess Meredith Penguin.  I played him clips.  He's leaning into it now, deliberately.

The dinosaurs with which Sandy has populated our backyard have apparently meanwhile expanded into an imaginary dinosaur friend named Olivia.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on May 09, 2021, 10:25:14 AM
When it's early...

= = = =

10YOS shuffles into the family room, Friday morning just after 7am.

Me: Good morning!

10YOS: What?

Me: I said, good morning!

10YOS: Oh, okay.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: raven on May 20, 2021, 04:50:31 PM
When it's early...

= = = =

10YOS shuffles into the family room, Friday morning just after 7am.

Me: Good morning!

10YOS: What?

Me: I said, good morning!

10YOS: Oh, okay.
To be fair, I'd probably say the same thing if someone said Good Morning to me at 7AM.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Bryanpoprobson on May 21, 2021, 04:57:56 AM
My granddaughter Eva’s class were asked what they did at the weekend.

Eva, “My mummy and daddy got drunk and I was allowed to eat cakes and sweets.”

My daughter doesn’t even drink.. Eva is a little minx.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on May 30, 2021, 10:15:18 PM
Mastering the non sequitur

I'd brought 10YOS and 8YOD to my den, where I store wargames and related material. 8YOD was looking around...

8YOD: I see this game [points in one direction] and that game [points in another direction] have similar names and writing, so [points in a third direction] what's this ruler for?
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on May 31, 2021, 06:01:02 AM
Reading a Friday Barnes novel...

8YOD: So, is gelato made in Italy?

Me: Yes, it was invented by the Italians.

8YOD: Wow, so there are some real things in this book!
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on May 31, 2021, 11:26:13 AM
Sandy has taken to telling me when she's upset at me that I've broken her heart.  Four years old and mastering the guilt trip!
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on June 08, 2021, 03:15:02 AM
10YOS will soon be 11YOS...

There's a tradition at our kids' primary school of bringing in a plate of cupcakes or some other treat on their birthday to distribute to classmates and teachers (yes, I figure it's likely to be a widespread thing these days).

Anyway, I've generally prepared a box of my Anzac biscuits for our kids to hand out - they're easier to make, lots of kids seem to love them, and a few parents have mentioned that they make a lot less mess in the back seat of the car than cupcakes...

Of course, not everyone can eat the biccies, as they're not safe for those who are gluten-intolerant. So, bless my little 10YOS, on his own initiative he asked me if I could come up with a gluten-free version of the recipe, and asked his teacher if there were any gluten-intolerant kids in his class.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on June 09, 2021, 01:09:09 AM
8YOD has long hair, but she's reluctant to give it the brushing it requires. This results in almost daily requests from my wife and I to her to brush it properly, and occasional parental interventions.

After another brushing request produced another half-hearted brushing attempt, she groaned, "Your nagging is more pleasant than brushing my hair."
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: JayUtah on June 09, 2021, 09:53:41 AM
I was introduced to the notion of ANZAC biscuits by one of the actors in the film Danger Close, who at the time was dating someone in my city and therefore had occasion to mingle with our film and theatre community.  My sister (whose birthday coincidentally it is today) is legitimately gluten-intolerant: diagnosed ciliac disease.  So if anyone finds a good gluten-free biscuit recipe, I hope they share it.  Bless the kids today who just habitually think of kindness toward the historically marginalized.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on June 09, 2021, 10:01:51 AM
Zane gets very upset when people mispronounce his classmates' names, which makes me happy.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on June 27, 2021, 07:31:07 AM
One for fellow Aussies on the forum...

8YOD and 11YOS watching the start of the (soccer) A League Grand Final as the national anthem is played.

8YOD (singing): Australians all let us reduce...
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: nikolai on June 27, 2021, 09:23:52 AM
One for fellow Aussies on the forum...

8YOD and 11YOS watching the start of the (soccer) A League Grand Final as the national anthem is played.

8YOD (singing): Australians all let us reduce...

Australians all let us reduce
Our COVID numbers now
The ocean keeps the virus out
With travel disallowed
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on June 27, 2021, 08:31:46 PM
One for fellow Aussies on the forum...

8YOD and 11YOS watching the start of the (soccer) A League Grand Final as the national anthem is played.

8YOD (singing): Australians all let us reduce...

Australians all let us reduce
Our COVID numbers now
The ocean keeps the virus out
With travel disallowed

LOL! Nice one!
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: nikolai on June 28, 2021, 03:26:49 AM
 ;D

I'm not an Aussie, I just hear it at sporting events.

I've also seen a strange take on the loyalty oath the American kids are supposed to take each day.

https://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/os-xpm-1988-08-21-0060250076-story.html
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on June 28, 2021, 07:48:33 AM
;D

I'm not an Aussie, I just hear it at sporting events.

I've also seen a strange take on the loyalty oath the American kids are supposed to take each day.

https://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/os-xpm-1988-08-21-0060250076-story.html

Ha! Nice one too.

Of course, one other thing about Advance Australia Fair (something I might have mentioned before) is that it provides virtually the only opportunity for English speakers anywhere in the world to use the word "girt".

Which in turn is fodder for comedians ("can you imagine a criminal stuck in a house and the police sergeant comes up and yells, 'You might as well surrender, we have you girt!'") and a great opportunity for kids to butcher: my wife says that the son of a friend used to render the line "our home is girt by sea" as "our home is dirt by sea"...
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on June 28, 2021, 10:05:41 AM
;D

I'm not an Aussie, I just hear it at sporting events.

I've also seen a strange take on the loyalty oath the American kids are supposed to take each day.

https://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/os-xpm-1988-08-21-0060250076-story.html


I have to say, our son was instructed very firmly during his last school year that he was under no circumstances expected to pledge the flag.  Of course, he was instructed that by me, while his classmates were doing it.