Off Topic > General Discussion

Kids say the darnedest things...

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Peter B:
I previously added a few examples of zingers from one of my kids a few years ago to a thread on UM. But I thought I'd start a thread here for people to share some examples of spectacular statements from their kids (or other kids for that matter). Let me provide some examples:

5-year-old daughter goes to circus during school holidays…

Mummy: So did you see any clowns?

5YOD: No, I didn’t see any clowns. But I did see some people who were dressed up as clowns.

= = = =

After the first day back at school…

Mummy: So did you tell everyone about going to the circus?

5YOD: No, I didn’t tell everyone. I just told most people.

= = = =

After her uncle had babysat her one evening…

Mummy: Did you tell your uncle about how you’re starting ballet lessons?

5YOD: Yes, I did.

Mummy: Was he excited?

5YOD (matter-of-factly): No. He was interested, but he wasn’t excited.

= = = =

All the kids gathered by the door to the garage...

5YOD: Are we walking to school or driving?

Mummy: We're walking.

7YOS: So, are we walking or driving?

Mummy: [sound of suppressed thunderstorm]

Yesterday, a cousin sent me scans of some old family pictures.  I was showing them to Simon.  The only person still alive in these pictures is my Aunt Susie.

"Will I meet her?"

"I hope so."

"Will I meet her before she dies?"

Jason Thompson:
A couple from my nephews:

Some years ago we met up with my family for a birthday meal. My sister, her partner and my nephew, who was about 6 at the time arrived. As we all said hello, my nephew said to me: "This is Laura and she's my mummy." Explaining to him that I had known her literally her entire life was... interesting.

Last year during a family gathering someone took a picture of me while I was playing with my younger nephew (Also 6 at the time, I believe) and his toys. Seeing the picture was rather unflattering my response was: "Oh good grief, how many chins do I have?!" A little voice behind me, very matter-of-factly, said: "Five..."

As entertaining as those were, my favourite was recounted to me from a friend. Her daughter was 4, and they were having Christmas dinner with my friend's parents when the following exchange happened:

Girl: Mummy? It's rude to say 'f***ing', isn't it?

Friend: (surprised) Yes it is, very rude!

Girl: Oh. (Considers for a moment) Why do you say it so often then?

(Parents are stifling their laughter as friend goes very red)

Friend: I only say it when I'm very angry or upset.

Girl: Oh. (Considers again) Sometimes you say 'bollocks' too...

(Parents fall about laughing while friend buries her head in her hands)

Northern Lurker:
When my daughter was two-three years old, we had a game: we would touch her nose and she would say "pöps". When she got tired of the game, she started rubbing her nose and say "No(more) pöps!" Once we were returning to home and she was quite tired. While she was sitting in her stroller waiting for the elevator, she started touching her own nose, saying the mandatory "pöps" until she got frustrated and angrily said "NO MORE PÖPS!!!" to herself. I and my spouse almost died laughing.


edit. to those who are interested how to pronounce ö, it's similar to English sound "i" in the word "bird"

DD Brock:
Helping my then 4 year old godson get ready for bed, he keeps rubbing his nose. I ask " Are you OK, Buddy?" He says "yeah, but my nose hurts."
"What's wrong with it?"
"I put a piece of chicken in it."
 ??? Do what now?  :o :o
Long as I live, I'll never forget that one.

Same kid, about three years later. He had just gotten out of the bath and is watching TV, sitting on his towel, naked as a jaybird.
 I say "Buddy, cover that up, no one wants to see that..."
Without missing a beat, he exclaims "OH, NO! You've seen the source of my power!!" and dramatically flops his towel like a super hero cape.

Then there was the time he told his kindergarten teacher that his Uncle (me) sometimes says "want in one hand a sh*t in the other" when he wants an expensive toy.
Thanks for throwing Uncle under the bus, buddy, lol...


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