ApolloHoax.net

Off Topic => General Discussion => Topic started by: Peter B on May 14, 2018, 10:07:31 AM

Title: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on May 14, 2018, 10:07:31 AM
I previously added a few examples of zingers from one of my kids a few years ago to a thread on UM. But I thought I'd start a thread here for people to share some examples of spectacular statements from their kids (or other kids for that matter). Let me provide some examples:

5-year-old daughter goes to circus during school holidays…

Mummy: So did you see any clowns?

5YOD: No, I didn’t see any clowns. But I did see some people who were dressed up as clowns.

= = = =

After the first day back at school…

Mummy: So did you tell everyone about going to the circus?

5YOD: No, I didn’t tell everyone. I just told most people.

= = = =

After her uncle had babysat her one evening…

Mummy: Did you tell your uncle about how you’re starting ballet lessons?

5YOD: Yes, I did.

Mummy: Was he excited?

5YOD (matter-of-factly): No. He was interested, but he wasn’t excited.

= = = =

All the kids gathered by the door to the garage...

5YOD: Are we walking to school or driving?

Mummy: We're walking.

7YOS: So, are we walking or driving?

Mummy: [sound of suppressed thunderstorm]
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on May 14, 2018, 12:30:05 PM
Yesterday, a cousin sent me scans of some old family pictures.  I was showing them to Simon.  The only person still alive in these pictures is my Aunt Susie.

"Will I meet her?"

"I hope so."

"Will I meet her before she dies?"
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Jason Thompson on May 14, 2018, 12:44:31 PM
A couple from my nephews:

Some years ago we met up with my family for a birthday meal. My sister, her partner and my nephew, who was about 6 at the time arrived. As we all said hello, my nephew said to me: "This is Laura and she's my mummy." Explaining to him that I had known her literally her entire life was... interesting.

Last year during a family gathering someone took a picture of me while I was playing with my younger nephew (Also 6 at the time, I believe) and his toys. Seeing the picture was rather unflattering my response was: "Oh good grief, how many chins do I have?!" A little voice behind me, very matter-of-factly, said: "Five..."

As entertaining as those were, my favourite was recounted to me from a friend. Her daughter was 4, and they were having Christmas dinner with my friend's parents when the following exchange happened:

Girl: Mummy? It's rude to say 'f***ing', isn't it?

Friend: (surprised) Yes it is, very rude!

Girl: Oh. (Considers for a moment) Why do you say it so often then?

(Parents are stifling their laughter as friend goes very red)

Friend: I only say it when I'm very angry or upset.

Girl: Oh. (Considers again) Sometimes you say 'bollocks' too...

(Parents fall about laughing while friend buries her head in her hands)

Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Northern Lurker on May 14, 2018, 02:31:15 PM
When my daughter was two-three years old, we had a game: we would touch her nose and she would say "pöps". When she got tired of the game, she started rubbing her nose and say "No(more) pöps!" Once we were returning to home and she was quite tired. While she was sitting in her stroller waiting for the elevator, she started touching her own nose, saying the mandatory "pöps" until she got frustrated and angrily said "NO MORE PÖPS!!!" to herself. I and my spouse almost died laughing.

Lurky

edit. to those who are interested how to pronounce ö, it's similar to English sound "i" in the word "bird"
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: DD Brock on May 14, 2018, 10:53:17 PM
Helping my then 4 year old godson get ready for bed, he keeps rubbing his nose. I ask " Are you OK, Buddy?" He says "yeah, but my nose hurts."
"What's wrong with it?"
"I put a piece of chicken in it."
 ??? Do what now?  :o :o
Long as I live, I'll never forget that one.

Same kid, about three years later. He had just gotten out of the bath and is watching TV, sitting on his towel, naked as a jaybird.
 I say "Buddy, cover that up, no one wants to see that..."
Without missing a beat, he exclaims "OH, NO! You've seen the source of my power!!" and dramatically flops his towel like a super hero cape.

Then there was the time he told his kindergarten teacher that his Uncle (me) sometimes says "want in one hand a sh*t in the other" when he wants an expensive toy.
Thanks for throwing Uncle under the bus, buddy, lol...
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: smartcooky on May 14, 2018, 11:21:36 PM
I have had some doozies during my short dalliance in the teaching profession and I am sure I have  a few written down (somewhere).

One that comes to mind is this one.

A few years ago, there was well known New Zealander called Bob Jones. He was an entrepreneur who was in the news quite frequently. Now I gave my class of 10 year-olds an assignment to write a short report on a famous or well known New Zealander, and they were allowed to choose which one they want to write about.

So this young lad chooses Bob Jones. Actually he did quite a good job, but part way through his essay he wrote the following sentence (which I shall never, ever forget)

"Bob Jones owns lots of different companies. He is a important man who has a finger in every tart in town"

When I read it out in the staff room, people started falling about and laughing all over the place.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Allan F on May 17, 2018, 05:20:14 PM
A friend of mine bought an old, rundown, delapidated farmhouse way outside town. His brother and I helped make some necessary repairs. His 4-year old son was running around helping out and having fun.

Sometime during the work, he came over to talk to us, and I said:

"One day, all this will belong to you"

The kid: "Oh-oh".
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on May 17, 2018, 10:31:19 PM
Sorting out left and right with 7YOS, a.k.a. Mr Quibble.

7YOS [sitting at the table eating breakfast, holding up a hand]: Is this my right hand?

Me: Yes.

7YOS [holding up other hand]: Is this my left hand?

Me [a little exasperated]: Yes! You should know which is your right hand because you’re right-handed and you know which hand you hold a pen in when you’re writing.

7YOS: But I’m not holding a pen.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on May 17, 2018, 10:40:07 PM
Regarding Mr Quibble...

The kids like Mr Men stuff. They have individual Mr Men mugs which a friend bought them, and they enjoy watching a couple of Mr Men DVDs. They also like the fact that I have a Mr Happy hoodie which I wear a bit (even to work, where I was once asked by someone if the label was actual or aspirational - I said it depended on how the kids were behaving).

However, 7YOS is demonstrating there may be room for a new character in the Mr Men range - Mr Quibble. He shows considerable skill at arguing at great length matters peripheral to the main topic of discussion, to the extent that I think he has good prospects for being a lawyer. One exchange I can remember went something like this:

7YOS [chattering extensively at a time I wanted him quiet]

Me: Will you be quiet, please? You're such a chatterbox.

7YOS [with amused outrage]: A chatterbox? How can I be a chatterbox? I'm not a box.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Northern Lurker on May 18, 2018, 05:46:32 AM
Sorting out left and right with 7YOS, a.k.a. Mr Quibble.

When my daughter, now 15, mixes left and right, I'll "help" her by reminding that "on your right hand, your thumb is on the left side"   :P

edit: added "side"
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on May 18, 2018, 06:01:08 AM
Sorting out left and right with 7YOS, a.k.a. Mr Quibble.

When my daughter, now 15, mixes left and right, I'll "help" her by reminding that "on your right hand, your thumb is on the left side"   :P

edit: added "side"

Heh, I know that adults aren't immune to mixing up sides:

I play competition squash - the lowest grade in the city, so it's not particularly serious. We score and referee our own games, and usually at least once a week someone walks to the wrong box to serve a point, attracting the call, "The other left box!"
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on May 18, 2018, 11:43:11 AM
I had a friend I used to ride to SCA events with, which made me the navigator.  When I had to tell her to take a left or right turn, this was always accompanied by a large, sweeping gesture of the correct hand.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on June 13, 2018, 05:58:25 PM
In theory I should be thrilled that they all enjoy reading...

5YOD (to 8YOS): Can I read your book while I make up my mind what I'm having next for breakfast? I won't read past the bookmark.

8YOS: Yes, you can read it. Just don't touch the bookmark.

10YOS (looking up from his book): Can you read that book? It's not yours.

Me (exasperated): Yes, she's allowed to read the book - she just asked.

8YOS (just noticing that 10YOS was talking to him): What book?

Me (to 8YOS, still exasperated): The book your sister was just asking you about. (To 5YOD): So have you made up your mind what you're having next for breakfast?

5YOD (whiny, and holding book possessively): No! I haven't made up my mind yet!
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on June 13, 2018, 10:30:41 PM
Walking to school as the bell rings...

5YOD (dawdling): Kylo, silo, whilo, rylo...

Me: Come on, the bell's rung. You'll be late.

5YOD: Yes, but they rhyme!
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on June 14, 2018, 01:31:49 PM
[on having had it explained to him that, yes, eggs come in white or brown and that it's theoretically possible I've had brown eggs before]  "That's awesome!"
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Ranb on June 14, 2018, 03:14:37 PM
I gave my then 5 year old granddaughter a super soaker (squirt gun), but one that was inferior to my own.  First chance she got she squirted me with it saying, " Got you!"  This was repeated several times.

Ranb
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on June 15, 2018, 01:01:31 PM
Yesterday was Simon's end-of-the-year popsicle party at school.  The mom of one of his friends was late, and his friend was very upset about this.  I recorded a song they performed for the parents, and you can hear her loud, angry voice still.  Even after her mom had gotten there.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on June 17, 2018, 12:39:52 PM
Yesterday, we were trying to teach Irene to sign "more" in ASL, since she's still nonverbal.  We were out for lunch together, the kids and I, and Simon and I were giving her fries when she made the sign.  So she stretched out her hand in her "gimme" sign.  "Say more, Irene!" said Simon, accompanied by the right sign.  She shook her head.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on June 20, 2018, 11:45:53 PM
Simon, ruefully: "There's too much warm in here."
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Kiwi on June 21, 2018, 09:03:57 AM
Three-year-old visitor climbed onto my lap so I could help cover her eyes while she, her two older sisters and I watched the first scary part in “Jurassic Park” where the T-Rex attacks the two children in the car. After things had calmed down and she could watch again, she started to play with my belt buckle, and I guessed it was because the buckle was a big, shiny chrome one. She continued for quite some time and was obviously thinking something, so I asked, "What are you doing?"

With a big grin, she answered, "I dunna take dim an' trow dim away!"

"What?!! What are you going to throw away?"

"'Or pants!"

With a big laugh, I said, "Oooh! That would be awful. I'd have nothing on!"

Quick as a flash she jabbed a finger into my shirt and chest and answered, "Oo'd av dat on!"

"But I'd have nothing on the bottom! What would your mum say if I told her you'd thrown away my pants?"

"I'd tell on oo!"

Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Bryanpoprobson on June 23, 2018, 07:41:33 PM
A real Awwwwww moment, I have a static caravan by the coast my Grandchildren were there along with my wife's cousins little boy (Kayden aged 5). We were taking the children to the club house and they had all got showered and dressed. Summer, (my 5 year old Granddaughter) came out of her bedroom and Kayden said, "Why Summer, you look absolutely fantastic in that outfit!"
To which Summer replied, "Why, thank you Kayden, that's very nice of you to say!"

DO kids grow up too quickly these days?  :) :)
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on June 23, 2018, 08:56:04 PM
"Please can I have five more cookies of ten deliciousness?"
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on June 23, 2018, 09:37:58 PM
A real Awwwwww moment, I have a static caravan by the coast my Grandchildren were there along with my wife's cousins little boy (Kayden aged 5). We were taking the children to the club house and they had all got showered and dressed. Summer, (my 5 year old Granddaughter) came out of her bedroom and Kayden said, "Why Summer, you look absolutely fantastic in that outfit!"
To which Summer replied, "Why, thank you Kayden, that's very nice of you to say!"

DO kids grow up too quickly these days?  :) :)

Maybe, but sounding grown up like this charms the socks off other adults. And remember, our grandparents were probably expected to speak to each other like that...

8YOS's girlfriend in his class has the same name as 5YOD, which occasionally leads to confusion over which girl he's talking about. Last Friday was the Year 2 Zoo, in which each child chose an animal, made a model of it, drew a picture of it, and wrote a few lines about it. These were placed around the classrooms while parents and other students came to visit. Each child stood by their exhibit to talk about their animal and answer questions.

8YOS explained at dinner time how 5YOD had hung around him most of the time she'd been visiting the "Zoo", but 10YOS was unsure whether his brother was talking about their little sister or his girlfriend.

8YOS: Oh, I was talking about 5YOD. It wouldn't have been appropriate for <girlfriend> to hang around with me.

(He meant, after all, that she had her own exhibit to present. But the way he said it sounded slightly moralising.)
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on June 23, 2018, 09:41:29 PM
Discussing meteorology around the dinner table...

5YOD: What's a hurricane?

10YOS: It's similar to a tornado, but very different.

(Full points for conciseness, given his otherwise lengthy, rambling answers, but still...)
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on July 13, 2018, 12:44:18 PM
Last night, Simon informed me that the woods (well, "woods") near our apartment are called Simon's Woods.  This, he told me, is because they are on Simon's World.  It is called that because he's the one who thought to name it.  I asked what it was called before he was born, and he said it didn't have a name.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on July 17, 2018, 02:05:08 PM
Simon, yesterday: "I'm not scared of anything, because I'm five now."

Also Simon, also yesterday: "I can't get down that way, because I'm scared."

Also he is apparently scared of evil clowns.  Me, to friend: "Stephen King has a lot to answer for."
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: raven on July 17, 2018, 11:25:40 PM
This was a  little kid at a free family cooking class I help teach who was acting up and, honestly, did not realize the full impact of his words, just that they had an impact. But he was acting up, and I told him I would inform his mother of his actions, after he started calling out "You're a <female canine>, you're a <female canine/>!" And when I did get his mother, he said, referring to me, "She's a <female canine/>!" repeatedly.
As a woman in transition (https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Transgender?from=Main.Transsexual), it certainly resulted in some mixed feelings!
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on July 18, 2018, 04:50:21 AM
(apologies in advance for dotted out rude word)

5YOD: [chattering endlessly to Mummy]

Mummy (not paying much attention): Yes dear, that's fabulous.

5YOD (horrified): You said the f-word.

Mummy (now paying attention): No, that's not the f-word.

5YOD (quietly): Is it f...?

Mummy: Yes! Now please don't use that word again.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on July 18, 2018, 04:52:20 AM
5YOD: What's for dessert?

Mummy (mysteriously): That depends.

5YOD (walking away, thoughtfully): I wonder what Depends is? (To brothers) Boys, we're having Depends for dessert!
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Northern Lurker on July 18, 2018, 10:25:41 PM
5YOD: What's for dessert?

Mummy (mysteriously): That depends.

5YOD (walking away, thoughtfully): I wonder what Depends is? (To brothers) Boys, we're having Depends for dessert!

:D :D :D Hope they were unsoiled :D :D :D
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on July 29, 2018, 10:38:45 AM
5YOD: What's for dessert?

Mummy (mysteriously): That depends.

5YOD (walking away, thoughtfully): I wonder what Depends is? (To brothers) Boys, we're having Depends for dessert!

:D :D :D Hope they were unsoiled :D :D :D

:-o ;-)
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on July 29, 2018, 10:39:19 AM
I take the kids to the local sports ground, where there's a football game in progress. They notice that the jerseys of one team feature a lion.

5YOD: Oooh, I love lions! They're my second favourite animal.

8YOS: What's your favourite animal?

5YOD: Butterflies.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on July 29, 2018, 10:46:29 AM
Keep in mind that Down Under we've just started the third of four terms for the school year, so 5YOD is now half way through her first year of school, and Knows How Things Work.

I'm dropping 5YOD and 8YOS at school. 8YOS has gone off to sort himself out, while I help 5YOD. She hands me her water bottle which I refill at the dispenser while she unloads the rest of the things from her bag. We then walk to her classroom together. (Outside the classroom there are labelled baskets for the kids to place their various food items in - one for lunch, one for fruit break, one for drink bottles.) I hang the water bottle from one finger so she can easily grab it from me.

5YOD: Oh no, Daddy. You know where the water bottle goes - in the basket with the picture of the water bottle on it.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on August 03, 2018, 01:45:22 AM
5YOD: Do you have to go to university to be a mother?

Mummy (laughing): No.

5YOD: So why did you go to university?
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on August 03, 2018, 10:51:36 AM
As a stay-at-home, I really feel that one.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on August 18, 2018, 10:46:34 PM
10YOS to 8YOS: Do you know what Annikin Skywalker was before he was Darth Vader?

5YOD: A baby?
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on August 20, 2018, 11:21:13 AM
I saw the Punch and Judy show at faire yesterday, and the enthusiasm with which those kids threw themselves into the spirit of the thing was great.  A kid behind me also kept up a bit of a running commentary about what Mr. Punch was saying.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on September 09, 2018, 03:41:35 AM
8YOS in the shower, needing some help from Mummy with adjusting the water temperature...

8YOS: Make it colder!

Mummy adjust accordingly.

8YOS: Colder!

Mummy adjusts accordingly.

8YOS: Colder!

Mummy: I can't make it any colder. The hot tap's turned off.

8YOS, sheepishly: Oh, sorry, I meant make it hotter.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Bryanpoprobson on September 09, 2018, 12:52:26 PM
My 3yo granddaughter Eva has recently been diagnosed with eye problems, her right eye is 6.5 and she is almost blind in that eye and her left eye is 4.5. I was walking down to the beach the day after her diagnosis with her and two of my other grandchildren. I said, “can you see that big boat out to sea?”
To which Eva replied, “There’s no boat Grandad, you are trying to trick me!”
I welled up. But on a good note 3 months down the line with corrective lenses, her eyesight is improving, she may have to wear a patch for a couple of months to make her right eye do more work.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: twik on September 10, 2018, 11:21:16 AM
One of my mother's friends told me how getting glasses as a child changed her world - instead of a smooth green carpet, grass has points! Instead of being round blobs, trees had leaves! It was a complete transformation of the world she knew.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on September 11, 2018, 11:03:47 AM
Irene is sort of starting to talk.  (I still need to call today to see if she qualifies for our district's before-three speech therapy program, though.)  Yesterday, she was saying, "Coogee!"  "Cookie?"  [nods]  "You think you should have a cookie?"  [nods]  "Can you say 'Mommy'?"  [for background, she says "Dada" and even "Daddy" a lot, but "Mama" only sparingly; Simon was the same way]  "Coogee!"
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on October 01, 2018, 12:28:55 AM
5YOD: Mummy, do you remember when we were in Sydney last year we watched that movie?

Mummy: Which movie?

5YOD: The one with the cats.

Mummy: Was this an animation or did it look real?

5YOD: It didn't look real.

Mummy: Can you tell me a bit more about it?

5YOD: Well, there was this lady and she had a cat and some kittens.

Mummy: Oh, you mean "The Aristocats"?

5YOD: Yes, that's the one!

Mummy: Well, what about it?

5YOD: Well, the lady had this way of dangling her slippers from her feet when she was sitting down, and I'm going to do the same thing with my new slippers that we just bought.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on October 08, 2018, 08:54:56 AM
5YOD: I need somethink.

8YOS: SomeTHINK?

5YOD: Yes...You know, like something to think about...
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on October 31, 2018, 06:59:46 AM
Our kids are asked to take a piece of fruit to school each day for the 10am Fruit Break - usually a banana because you can write the kid's name on it.

However, yesterday 8YOS came home with his banana, which he proceeded to eat for afternoon tea. I was curious...

Me: So why didn't you eat your banana during Fruit Break? Did you forget?

8YOS (scornfully): Of course I didn't forget. It was the teachers who forgot.

Me: So why didn't you remind the teachers?

8YOS (pausing for a moment): Because I forgot.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on October 31, 2018, 07:04:52 AM
In May each year local high schools have their open nights. My wife and 10YOS went to a few to help determine which school would be best for him in Year 7. Apparently 10YOS had his own criteria for deciding which one was best for him...

A couple of days ago I went to school to pick the kids up from After School Care. 8YOS was reading an Asterix comic when I arrived. 10YOS noticed this, and cheerfully informed everyone, "At the high school Mum and Dad are thinking would be best for me, I found they have Asterix comics in their library."
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Ranb on October 31, 2018, 05:55:58 PM
My daughter is bringing her little girl to her 1st day of kindergarten.

Quote
Mom; You have fun, okay?
Daughter; Ignores her mom.
Mom; Behave?
Daughter; Ignores her mom.
Mom; Don't beat up nobody, don't be rude.
Daughter; I won't !!!

Mom; Love you baby.
Daughter; I love you too.
I thinking, "Just how tough is my granddaughter anyway?"  I have it all on video.  :)

Ranb
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on November 01, 2018, 10:37:15 AM
Simon comes in brandishing a small orange.  "This is evil!"

". . . Evil?"

"Yeah!  People aren't supposed to give fruit and vegetables in trick-or-treat bags.  They're supposed to give pure sugar!"
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Bryanpoprobson on December 12, 2018, 09:00:51 AM
Not a kid saying something, but I didn't want to start a new thread. My Grandson Finley woke up to a Space Elf on a Shelf, yesterday.  :)
(http://i63.tinypic.com/9hnrqx.jpg)
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on December 12, 2018, 10:48:50 AM
We aren't doing that, because creepy and wrong, but if we did have an Elf on the Shelf, sending it to orbit would be just about right.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on February 14, 2019, 05:53:32 AM
8YOS to 6YOD (context unknown): Are you planning to put a pumpkin on your head? The way a skeleton wears one to protect its head from the sun?
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on February 14, 2019, 06:49:02 AM
8YOS (removing margarine container from fridge and starting to read it): Mum? This says it has 75% less salt and fat than butter. But this is butter.

Mummy: No, it's margarine. They perform essentially the same function, and look the same, but they're different things.

8YOS (aghast, brandishing container aloft): You mean you lied to us every time you called it 'kid butter'?
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on February 14, 2019, 07:01:42 AM
Before school 11YOS asks if I could pack a cup-cake-sized chicken frittata in his lunch bag. I do so. 6YOD asks for one as well.

After school he brings me his lunch bag in the kitchen. 6YOD watches the following exchange.

11YOS: I noticed you didn’t pack a chicken frittata in my lunch bag.

Me: Oh, sorry. Well, I thought I packed one.

11YOS: That’s alright. I figure you packed it in 8YOS’s lunch bag by mistake.

Me: Yes, I suppose that’s possible.

I open his lunch bag and remove the sandwich box. The chicken frittata, still sealed in its plastic bag, falls out. I hold it up.

11YOS (a little ashamed): I guess I didn’t see it in there.

6YOD: I noticed you didn’t pack a chicken frittata in my lunch bag too. Oh wait, that’s a mistake, you did and I ate it for lunch.

Me: *glare*
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on February 16, 2019, 07:19:31 PM
Me to a crying Irene: "It's okay.  It's okay.  There are two people in this room who love you very, very much."

Simon: "Well, one, actually, because yeah."
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Northern Lurker on February 17, 2019, 03:09:50 AM
8YOS to 6YOD (context unknown): Are you planning to put a pumpkin on your head? The way a skeleton wears one to protect its head from the sun?

Propably Minecraft. Zombies and skeletons spawned during night will burn in sun, unless they are wearing a headgear. One can wear a carved pumpkin as a hat. It doesn't give any damage resistance and it restricts field of view but it prevents Endermen aggroing you if you look at them.

Edited to add: Monsters can use same armours and headgear as player characters.

Lurky
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on February 18, 2019, 08:49:10 AM
Ah, thank you Lurky.

That explains a lot!
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Northern Lurker on February 18, 2019, 11:35:16 AM
Ah, thank you Lurky.

That explains a lot!

You're welcome!

Lurky
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on February 27, 2019, 11:42:40 AM
Irene cannot pronounce her own name yet.  Calls herself Bean.  Also, she will routinely come into a room and say, "Oh, hi, Mama!"  As if she's surprised to find you exactly where she left you.  These days, if I'm doing things on the other side of the gate, she'll call me until I acknowledge her, so she knows where I am, and follow that with, "Oh, hi, Mama!"
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Kiwi on March 02, 2019, 07:02:02 AM
No amusing quotes here, but a small record of things I said and did in my first two years. First word at 7 months 3 days, although "Mum" seems to be fairly common babble around that age. I would probably still pull a silly face with eyes and nose screwed up if ever scolded.

What's the approximate age for the first word these days?

Quote
[Kiwi] spoke his first word, Mum, on 12 October 1949.  Said Bub-bub on 5 Nov 1949.  Clapped hands 1 Dec 1949.  Said Dad in December.  Waved goodbye 2 Jan 1950.  Said ta, gave thumb up sign and pointed, 1 Mar 1950.  Dadda, Mumma, bubba, "do" for dog, miaow, bar-bar for sheep and jogged at a horse noise.  Said Cyntia for Cynthia 26 Apr 1950.  When scolded pulled a silly face with his eyes and nose screwed up.  Said oh dear dear, in June 1950.  Huwwa for hello, how you, papa for Grandpa, Arnie for Aunty, and fiffa for slipper or shoe in August 1950.  At one year nine months (Dec 1950) could say thankyou, Aunty, please, plum, peas, beans, jam, honey, cheese, bread, more, shoe, all gone, Ditta for Cynthia, Henny for Helen, Dugga for Douglas, Mummy, Daddy, here he is, cardigan or cargie, and sore.

Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on March 02, 2019, 11:10:12 AM
Approximate age tends to be around twelve months; you were clearly an early talker.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on March 11, 2019, 04:44:20 PM
Irene, "reading" The Monster at the End of This Book to herself: "Don't do that book!  [turns page]  Don't do that book!  [turns page]."
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on March 12, 2019, 08:26:41 AM
Mummy goes in to check on the kids two hours after bed time. 6YOD leaps up to give Mummy a big hug.

6YOD: Hello Mummy-doodles! What are the names of the four corners?

Mummy: What?

6YOD (pointing up, down, to the sides): North, south, east, west. What are the names of the four corners in between.

Mummy (considering this isn't particularly the time to engage in extended Q&A sessions): Go to bed!
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on March 12, 2019, 01:13:40 PM
Oh, have I been there!
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Bryanpoprobson on May 15, 2019, 05:28:20 PM
So my little Granddaughter Eva has had a year of having selective deafness, she does have quite severe eye problems. So she has just had a hearing test and they determined her hearing was quite bad. So waiting to see the consultant, the junior doctor came out and asked to run the test again. When he took the results to the consultant they was indicative of her being almost totally deaf. After running the tests again they determined her hearing was very good with a minor difference of 1% in the two ears.
The consultant told my daughter that Eva literally tricked the Junior doctor during the first run of the test. For someone who has just turned 4, she is a little minx. 😂
Trouble is one of these days she will cry wolf one too many times.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on May 24, 2019, 10:45:25 AM
Irene was weeping a bit ago because I wouldn't let her put on pants.  Snow pants.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on June 14, 2019, 09:11:07 AM
Last long weekend was a chance for me to take each of the kids to the local department store for a spot of clothes shopping, one each day.

As 11YOS and I drive home...

11YOS: How long did that trip take?

Me: I dunno, about 45 minutes.

= = = =

The following day, as 6YOD and I drive home...

6YOD: How long were we out?

Me: Ummm...about an hour. Why do you ask?

= = = =

The following day, as 8YOS and I drive home...

8YOS: How much time did we spend shopping?

Me (to myself): WTF?
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on July 07, 2019, 04:09:28 AM
At the dinner table after the last day of school for the term...

6YOD: Just because it's the last day of school doesn't mean tomorrow isn't Saturday.

= = = =

11YOS to 9YOS: You need to pick up all these Pokemon cards on my bedroom floor.

9YOS: No I don't.

11YOS: Yes you do. They're your cards and they're on my bedroom floor.

9YOS: But you're the one who spread them all out on the floor!
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on July 09, 2019, 10:34:49 PM
"Irene pretty hat!"

"Irene does have a pretty hat!  Are you pretty?"

"No, I beautiful!"
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on July 16, 2019, 12:59:20 AM
Irene is listing her toys that are going to sleep.  So we say, "Yes, shhh, time to go to sleep."  Which she repeats to her toys, then says, loudly, "My dragon go to sleep!" or what have you to us.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on August 23, 2019, 08:22:51 AM
School banking day is Thursday, so mummy has filled out the kids' banking books, placed 50 cents in each of their banking book pouches, and placed the pouches on their school bags.

Mummy to 9YOS and 6YOD: Don't forget your bank books when you get to school!

9YOS and 6YOD: We won't!

Mummy: Good. Now get in the car, we're late.

= = = =

Walking from the car to the school...

Mummy: Got your bank books?

9YOS: Don't be angry, but I've left my bank book in the car.

Mummy (rolling eyes): Right, back to the car. (To 6YOD) You go on and I'll catch you up.

9YOS's bank book is retrieved and left at Front Office. Mummy catches up to 6YOD as she lines up outside classroom.

Mummy: Did you hand in your bank book?

6YOD (in small voice): No, I forgot.

= = = =

Mummy to me, after telling me the story: And they object so strongly to being called goldfish on legs...!
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Bryanpoprobson on September 09, 2019, 07:57:16 AM
(https://i.ibb.co/fNyRzwh/Finley.jpg) (https://ibb.co/M1tTx0Y)


He brushed his tooth and said that the tooth fairy would not want to take a dirty tooth.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on September 09, 2019, 11:17:51 AM
We haven't had a tooth out yet, but his best frenemy has--I was delighted to see that her mom is using the tooth pillow I made.  I gave one to all of Simon's classmates when they finished preschool.  Somewhere, I still have the one my preschool teacher made for all of us, and it seemed like a nice memento.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Bryanpoprobson on September 09, 2019, 02:51:09 PM
Tooth pillows are not big in the UK, they are just becoming a thing though.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on September 09, 2019, 10:02:58 PM
(https://i.ibb.co/fNyRzwh/Finley.jpg) (https://ibb.co/M1tTx0Y)


He brushed his tooth and said that the tooth fairy would not want to take a dirty tooth.

Beautiful!

I note the way the "a" is written - a circle with a little tail off the side at varying angles - just the way my kids started writing it. And, impressively, only one letter back to front (and an understandable "d/b" mistake at that); my kids have been much worse at getting letters back to front.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on September 09, 2019, 10:10:39 PM
Living in the house of pedants...

6YOD and 9YOS are playing a boardgame.

6YOD: Do you know where the dice is?

9YOS (exasperated): It's right there by your hand!

6YOD (equally exasperated): But you didn't answer my question: did you know where the dice was, yes or no?!

= = = =

...with the memories of goldfish...

11YOS barrels into the lounge room...

11YOS:
Mum?

Mummy: Yes?

11YOS: Um...never mind, I forgot what I was going to ask.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on September 09, 2019, 11:30:47 PM
...but who at least see the value of lists...

Retrieved from 6YOD's bedroom floor while I was tidying.

= = = =

Job's in the morning

1 - Get drest
2 - Get brekfes
3 - Clen teeth
4 - Strech
5 - Get bag

= = = =

I haven't bothered to reproduce the creative mixture of upper and lower case letters, or the reversed characters.

Sadly, the existence of the list hasn't helped 6YOD with her morning tardiness, the management of which involves a considerable amount of parental Stern Language and Arm Flapping.

However, Wife and I had a good laugh at point 4, and then she noted that 6YOD hadn't included anything about hair preparation or selection of appropriate JoJo Bow, both of which can involve more time than 6YOD is willing to admit.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on September 10, 2019, 11:20:39 AM
This year, there are something like three new kindergartners in our apartment complex, so Simon gets to be the Grand Old Man at the bus.  This may, alas, put a damper on last year's tradition of learning about something in the mornings, since I'm sure the other kids will be more interesting than Mom.  But since kindergarten starts the Monday after the other grades, we did learn some etymology last week, since he's studying Spanish online--I was explaining to him why certain Spanish and English words sound alike.  We now have an in-joke about "a bunch of guys named Norman."
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on September 17, 2019, 12:42:24 PM
[Irene, under the blanket]: "Mama, I hiding!"

[me]: "Where did you go?"

[Irene]: "Uh . . . I don't know."
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Bryanpoprobson on September 17, 2019, 04:33:04 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/CB7iKau.jpg)

Slightly off topic, Grandchild number 6 born today. First time I have totally disagreed with a name, my son and his partner have called her Arora? Sorry but why do parents today use these types of names? I am not enthused. Rant over, Arora is lovely, just hope the name grows on me.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on September 18, 2019, 10:15:07 AM
Aurora, I could get behind, but I'm not thrilled with the spelling.

She is awfully cute either way, though!
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on October 14, 2019, 10:51:28 AM
Irene, when asked if she wants things she wants, will often say no, followed by a winsome little, "Yeah, I do!"
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on October 27, 2019, 06:27:21 AM
Not so much a case of KSTDT, but still worthy of preservation, I think...

= = = =

I was waiting in the Pediatric Emergency Dept with 9YOS (broken arm) with other parents and kids...

Mother to son: Could you get off the phone please?

Two year old son obediently steps off the phone which he'd been using as a stool so he could reach a little further into the pram.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on October 27, 2019, 12:01:02 PM
Hope your son's okay!  Irene had tubes put in her ears this week.

Over on BAUT, there's a discussion about what people wanted to be when they grew up; Simon's response was a despairing, "I keep changing; they're all so good!"
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on October 29, 2019, 09:57:31 AM
Hope your son's okay!

Thank you for asking.

Last Friday he fell off school playground equipment and gave himself a buckle fracture of his left radius near the wrist. Two weeks in a half cast. Some pain, but it settled down after a night.

The worst bit was that it happened two days before a classmate's birthday party at a scooter facility, and the doctor said he wasn't allowed to ride. He was filthy about that, and I didn't really blame him for asking to leave the party as soon as he'd had his piece of birthday cake - it was just too much for him to be forced to sit and watch everyone else having fun.

About the only consolation was that nearly every classmate asked him on Monday what had happened, so he got to be the centre of attention...
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on October 29, 2019, 11:17:55 AM
Yeah, that sounds frustrating.  My older sister got chicken pox (something my kids will not be dealing with!) the week of her second grade class's field trip to the children's museum, and that was probably the worst part of chicken pox for her.  It worked out great for me, though, as our parents took us to the museum during spring break.  It's one of the few non-Disneyland trips with my dad that I remember even a little.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on November 02, 2019, 11:35:50 PM
From the School of Creative Excuses...

Mummy: Have you written those four dot points from the chapters you read in that book?

12YOS: No. I accidentally read too far, and I was worried that if I wrote any dot points they might be about chapters I wasn't supposed to read.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on November 06, 2019, 10:03:55 AM
Yesterday, we took the kids with us to vote.  Afterward, I asked Simon if he had any questions about voting, and he wanted to know how you stop being President.  So I decided to explain elections to him, because I didn't feel like getting into impeachment.  Unfortunately, when we got to the last election, he said, "So he got more votes?"  You ever have to try to explain the Electoral College to a six-year-old?
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on November 07, 2019, 08:31:00 AM
Eh...try explaining the parliamentary system to a 12YO, a 9YO and a 6YO with different boredom thresholds.

I sometimes think the 6YOD would vote for any party which had a unicorn for an emblem (or a butterfly).
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Bryanpoprobson on November 07, 2019, 01:28:39 PM
Granddaughter Eva after a short hospital visit. “Mr Taxi driver could you please drive faster. I have to get back to school otherwise my friends will miss me!”
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Peter B on November 07, 2019, 08:54:58 PM
9YOS's half-cast came off today, and was handed back to him by the doctor as a souvenir.

9YOS: I name it...Castie!
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: gillianren on November 08, 2019, 11:01:33 AM
Eh...try explaining the parliamentary system to a 12YO, a 9YO and a 6YO with different boredom thresholds.

I sometimes think the 6YOD would vote for any party which had a unicorn for an emblem (or a butterfly).

I believe Simon voted for Trump in his school election three years ago because Trump is funny.  Which . . . yeah.

And your nine-year-old's naming system is not unlike Simon's.  Our car is Vannie.  His toys include Green Dragon, Blue Dragon, and Red Dragon.  He's not going to be allowed to name our house, when we move, and I joke that the girl he proposed to a while back definitely isn't going to marry him, because you could see her thinking about how he'd name the kids.
Title: Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
Post by: Bryanpoprobson on November 30, 2019, 04:22:35 AM
Three of my grandkids and my daughter were caught up in London’s latest terror incident. Little Harry is too young for it to affect him. My daughter was full of praise for Finley and Eva as they listened to the police instructions (although Eva had to go back and get some food she left). I only hope it doesn’t play too much on Finley as he does over think things and this will play on his mind for sometime.
Brings to mind how vulnerable we all are to this kind of thing. I’m taking my staff out in London today and the wife is really apprehensive about it now.